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I miss my son so much

(36 Posts)
endofthelinefinally Fri 17-Feb-17 15:09:23

Nearly 6 months have passed.
The inquest is coming up and I am dreading it.
I thought I was feeling/coping better but as the inquest approaches I am increasingly tearful and just finding everything so hard.

Don't know what I hope to gain from this thread really, but I got so much kindness and support from MNers when DS died, I just need a hand hold to get through this ordeal.

I know it is going to be pretty horrific. sad

user1484226561 Fri 17-Feb-17 15:10:58

flowers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

KoalaDownUnder Fri 17-Feb-17 15:11:21

Oh, I'm so very sorry. My heart ached for you just reading that. sadflowers

wishparry Fri 17-Feb-17 15:13:54

I am so sorry.
flowers

Chasingsquirrels Fri 17-Feb-17 15:17:04

@endofthelinefinally of course you miss him, and an event such as the inquest is bound to bring the feelings to the forefront of your mind.
Do you have people around you for RL support?
Posting on MN about my situation is helping me just to clear my mind of thoughts. If that's what you need then people are here to listen.

flowers

DramaAlpaca Fri 17-Feb-17 15:19:50

I'm so sorry, endof flowers

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Fri 17-Feb-17 15:24:48

flowers I've been there so I know there's no words I can type to make this easier, but we are all here for you.

BirdsongTweets Fri 17-Feb-17 15:25:54

I am so sorry. flowers

Xmasfairy86 Fri 17-Feb-17 15:27:54

Would it help if you told us about him endof?

flowersbearcake

Lilybensmum1 Fri 17-Feb-17 15:35:52

endof I am so sorry I remember your previous post, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling or give you any words of wisdom, as others have said if you feel able, maybe just put your thoughts down on here we will listen.

Groovee Fri 17-Feb-17 15:52:45

Hugs x

endofthelinefinally Fri 17-Feb-17 16:02:41

We only got the coroner's report a couple of weeks ago.
Only then did I realise that my son's final hours were not peaceful as I had hoped.
I won't go into detail as it is too distressing and it will all have to be gone into at the inquest.
I now know that there were opportunities to get help that were not taken.
I am so full of rage and grief that I can barely speak.
He was only a few minutes away from us. But we didn't know.
I don't know how to live with this.

bigbluebus Fri 17-Feb-17 17:52:41

So sorry that you have to go through all this endoftheline. My DD died unexpectedly 2 months ago at the age of 22. Thankfully she had been in hospital just long enough to avoid her death having to be referred to the Coroner. I cannot begin to understand what you must be going through with this new information coming to light after so many months. I hope you have some supportive family and friends in RL to get you through this next stage. flowers

parklives Fri 17-Feb-17 17:54:46

I am so sorry you are going through this endof flowers

Willow2016 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:15:18

Oh endof what a shock for you I am so sorry. Of course you are angry it's only natural, its all still very raw and this just adds to the grief. Your poor son.
I can't imagine how horrific this is to get through but you and your family found the strength in each other before you will do it again.

Sending hugs and some flowers

MojitoMollie Fri 17-Feb-17 18:17:02

flowers
So sorry x

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 17-Feb-17 18:55:48

My thoughts are with you. flowers.

flapjackfairy Fri 17-Feb-17 19:00:51

Another one sending you all my love.
So sorry for the loss of your precious lad xxx

endofthelinefinally Fri 17-Feb-17 23:37:44

Thank you all.
Have been out this evening. DD has been home for a couple of days. After this I won't see her for nearly 8 weeks.
DS2 is in Australia.
I have to put on a brave face for them. They don't know about the report or the inquest. I won't be telling them. They are already suffering enough.
It is so, so hard.

Willow2016 Fri 17-Feb-17 23:54:30

Endof
It must be hard with your dd and ds2 away from you when all you want to do is keep them close I know I would.

Is ds2 enjoying his trip (I dont know how to word it any other way but dont want to diminish what he has gone through)? I remember how hard it must have been to let him go even though it was best for him at the time.

Can you discuss the inquest with any other family or are you keeping it between you and dh?

Just keep posting to vent whenever you need to, lifes a total B sometimes, just when you think you are finally keeping your head above water along comes another huge wave. If you cant talk/rant and rail to anyone else at home let rip on here we can take it.

FellOutOfBed2wice Fri 17-Feb-17 23:58:03

Sending you all the love in the world. I'm so sorry.

DoctorBeat Sat 18-Feb-17 00:06:31

My brother passed away in September. His inquest is coming up too. For a moment i thought it might have been my mum posting! I know what you are going through. Hugs for you.

clary Sat 18-Feb-17 00:12:12

Endof I am so sorry to read your story.

Please believe that you are not to blame. I don't know the details of course but I am sure you would have done anything you could have done. If you didn't know then there is nothing you could have done. How frustrating and how angry and upset you must feel.

That is all normal and understandable. We are all here for you and will listen to anything you want to say. flowers from me too.

endofthelinefinally Sat 18-Feb-17 02:39:53

I am not discussing it with anyone else.
We don't want anyone else to attend the inquest.
There is no need to distress any of the rest of the family - it is bad enough without adding to it.

I am so tired but I have gone back to only being able to sleep for a couple of hours and then being awake for the rest of the night. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2.30 am. I am back in the nightmare.

endofthelinefinally Sat 18-Feb-17 02:42:21

DS2 does seem to be feeling better and more positive about life.
I don't know what he will decide about his long term plans though.
I think he will find it hard to come home tbh.

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