Birthday and anniversary of a child's death coming up, what do I say?

(7 Posts)
FayeandMe Thu 16-Feb-17 21:25:06

My lovely friend who I didn't know at the time but met shortly after. Her child's birthday and anniversary of her death are a few days apart.

I'm lost to know specifically what to say on the days. I try to talk about her often and use her name (advice from here) which my friend seems to like. But I'm not sure how to approach the days coming up.

Any advice?

echt Fri 17-Feb-17 06:23:52

As you mention her child quite naturally, send her a card on the birthday, not a birthday card, nor mournful lilies, and write in it about what you know of her joys and sorrows at this time. Make sure it will arrive on time, and she'll no doubt get in touch about it.

You are a good friend.

noitsachicken Fri 17-Feb-17 06:36:11

I have a friend who had a stillborn baby a few years ago, the baby's name is a flower, I send a bouquet of those flowers on the anniversary of the birth/death every year.
It's important to acknowledge the child, even if you didn't meet them, your friend will appreciate the thought.

Kevinbaconsrealwife Fri 17-Feb-17 06:43:25

As PP,s have said...acknowledgment is the key....for me it would be a Thinking of You card with something very simple like " thinking of You, DH and ......(. Insert late babies name) at this time....Love and thoughts, Fayeaandme " you sound like a lovely friend x

TrueBlueDem Sat 18-Mar-17 00:02:07

You are wonderful to remember your friend's child's birthday. Those of us that have lost children want people to remember our children more than anything. My 5 year old son died 2 years ago and it never really gets easier. I've made progress but there is nothing more painful than the loss of a child.
Thank you for being such a good friend to her!

KanyesVest Sat 18-Mar-17 00:15:32

I try to do something practical for my friend whose baby was stillborn as she finds the anniversary a very raw time, so I usually have a nice food parcel, and a thinking of you and xxx card, delivered. She can eat if she feels up to it or freeze it (or bin it, I won't know) but it's one thing less to think about for a day or two.

It's an awful balance wanting to support without intruding but I hope we get it right sometimes.

FlippedOver Sat 18-Mar-17 00:28:53

Hmm, I have a different perspective and think that sometimes cards, flowers or gifts aren't always appreciated. It just depends. Personally, I chat to my friend about her D.C. but I don't do anything other than verbally acknowledge their child's birthday and the anniversary of their death.

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