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I am the only one left from my family unit :(

(27 Posts)
sayerville Mon 13-Feb-17 17:02:43

Dad died in 2010 Mum in 2015 and I lost my younger brother a month ago, he was 55.
I feel like I am so alone even though I have my DD and DH. I don't think I have grieved properly for my parents let alone the recent loss of my brother.
I cry each day, my face is a mess and I worry about my future as they all passed with brain related illnesses so this must be my fate.
Grief is a terrible thing sad

DevelopingDetritus Mon 13-Feb-17 17:13:12

So sorry for all your losses. Life is hard sometimes and tests us to the limits for sure.
Do you have anyone you can have a good talk with. If not, have you tried any of the bereavement charities.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Mon 13-Feb-17 17:18:57

Just wanted to send some flowers. To be blunt the crying sounds good - that is part of processing grief. Are you able to talk to your brother's family about him and their daily life?

SleepFreeZone Mon 13-Feb-17 17:22:24

That's so sad, I'm so sorry flowers

I think for many of us there will be a point where our parents and siblings (if we have any) have passed away and it is just us left. My dad is very very ill, my Mother is in her mid seventies and my sister is starting to get health problems brought on by constant work and stress. I suspect I will lose them all before I die myself and the thought is horrific. I think it's important to try and grieve if you can, do you think counselling might be an option?

Guitargirl Mon 13-Feb-17 17:23:21

flowers for you OP. That is a young age to lose your brother.

Would it help give you some peace of mind to visit the GP and talk through some of your family medical history and how that is impacting upon your fears for your own health? Go private if necessary.

Surreyblah Mon 13-Feb-17 17:24:31

That's really sad, am so sorry about your family.

Lolimax Mon 13-Feb-17 17:25:51

I'm sorry for your losses. Apart from my DC's I have no close relatives left. I'm the only child of 2 only children, both my parents have died. I'm 47 but it's still not a nice feeling. My DH comes from a huge family he doesn't know half his cousins and I haven't got any.
You get used to it. It's actually made me determined to live to be very old and decrepit.

endofthelinefinally Mon 13-Feb-17 17:26:14

So sorry for your losses flowers
I have lost my parents, a sibling, and most recently (5 months ago) my eldest child.
It is only a month since you lost your DB. No wonder you are so distressed.
I have found CRUSE very helpful and will be having some bereavement counselling from them.
I have also had a lot of support from other bereaved parents locally - sometimes your GP can tell you about local support groups.

Not only are you grieving, but clearly you are very worried about the possibility of developing a brain related illness yourself. I think you should make an appointment with your GP to discuss your fears. Better to have the conversation that to worry on your own.

Also - the support from MNers on here got me through the darkest days and weeks after DS died. I could post here when I couldn't speak without sobbing.

sayerville Mon 13-Feb-17 17:50:49

Thank you all so much for your lovely support x
Has anyone tried Cruse counselling, this is the only once can find.

Blossomdeary Mon 13-Feb-17 17:52:28

Please do not assume that this will be your "fate" - you do not know that and you have enough to contend with with these recent sad losses. flowers

redfairy Mon 13-Feb-17 17:55:01

This is so sad OP. I worry as I get older (I am 49) and there are more people below me than above me. I haven't tried Cruse Counselling but my DD had bereavement counselling from Relate when she was younger. I wonder if they do adults too.

mainlywingingit Mon 13-Feb-17 17:56:08

Sorry for all your losses. Could you see a brain specialist privately and get your brain scanned so
To relieve anxiety on that front ? It would be reasonable after 3 family brain related deaths. Good luck

sayerville Mon 13-Feb-17 19:04:14

I am so scared to have a scan, silly isn't it ? Do I want to know, should I know?

DevelopingDetritus Mon 13-Feb-17 19:23:05

There maybe an operation or treatment though. Knowledge is power and all that. Best wishes.

butterfly990 Mon 13-Feb-17 21:49:52

My partner died of a brain tumour. Our local GP's have been very supportive of our concerns regarding my own health and in particular my daughter.

Go and get checked out, not knowing is worse. flowers

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time to grieve and allow others to help you.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername Mon 13-Feb-17 21:59:41

In exactly the same position as you Sayer. No advice - it sucks. All I can do is send flowers and hugs. No help I know, but really didn't want to read and run

yousignup Mon 13-Feb-17 22:04:29

Oh, such a lot of loss in so few years. I am sorry, OP. I have a neurological condition, and I would much rather know than not. I am thinking of you.

sayerville Tue 14-Feb-17 09:57:44

As you all probably know some days are worse than others, as my Mum passed on Valentines day I am scattering my brothers ashes with where we placed Mums later today, he was disabled and was Mum's world so she'd Iike that, I take comfort that they are all together now wherever that may be. I am feeling really emotional and not looking forward to collecting his ashes later.
Probably I am best not knowing but I'd still like to plan but where do you start with such a thing?

DevelopingDetritus Tue 14-Feb-17 15:15:43

How did you get on today OP?

sayerville Tue 14-Feb-17 17:47:49

It was emotional developing thank you for asking x very sad. Had a teary morning and it's kinda gone on all day. My Mums twin auntie was with me too.
I still am in disbelief, it's very hard to come to terms with.

ArseyTussle Tue 14-Feb-17 17:51:22

Poor you sayer. The deaths of our parents brought me and my sister together, having not previously been that close, so I can see how being left 'all alone' is making you feel bereft.

If you could summon up the courage to see a doctor about your concerns for your own health would that help, do you think? Then you're 'just' dealing with the bereavement and not the fear for your own future.

plinkyplonkyploo Tue 14-Feb-17 17:54:05

Thinking of you OP.

sayerville Tue 14-Feb-17 18:32:47

Thanks all x and that you for your kind comments x
I am still off work and will go back after half term. I am very weepy and most days I cry but to be honest how can I know when this will end, I can't stay off work forever and I feel a fraud being off when I am not really 'ill'. Having said that I need a high level of concentration but I don't know how I'd cope or on the flip it might divert my thoughts?

sayerville Tue 14-Feb-17 19:16:47

I think one of the reasons why I m struggling was he had lots of health issues including autism and MH issues, so he was so very vulnerable and in a way when Mum and Dad were ill and could no longer cope he became more like my own child. That and he didn't have a great life, I tired to make it better for him, so many meetings etc just to keep him where he was with funding and care. It's been tough and now all this element has gone from my life and I feel guilty for being relieved that the fight with social services is over.

Violetcharlotte Tue 14-Feb-17 19:21:36

I can't offer any advice, but I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling/ flowers

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