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Anyone else pregnant and struggling after bereavement?

(8 Posts)
EsmesBees Sat 11-Feb-17 08:54:29

Just that really. My mum died shortly after I found I was expecting dd2. It wasn't unexpected, in that she'd been ill for some time, but she was still having chemotherapy so had some residual hope. I find it so hard not to dwell on how things would have been had she been here. I see grandmothers out with grandchildren and feel irrationally jealous. I miss having someone to talk to about the everyday aspects of bringing up young children. And just occasionally getting a break (she helped out lots when dd1 was born, before she got ill). Most of the time I'm fine. I know she'd have wanted me to keep going. But occasionally it overwhelms me and I just want to run away and cry and cry. Not really sure why I'm posting this, just wondered if anyone was going through similar? Everyone I know in real life who has lost a parent is much older and with older children.

OutwiththeOutCrowd Sat 11-Feb-17 11:37:37

Esmes I contributed earlier to a thread called Still Gutted 7 and 5 years on, also in this forum. It is somewhat related to your question, although you mightn't realise that it's relevant to you from the title.

My parents had both died before I had DC and I agree with you that the thought of the grandparent-grandchild bond that can never now be adds an extra poignancy to the grief you are already feeling simply as a daughter.

Please read the other thread too - I think it will help you to feel less alone with your situation.

flowers

cocochanel21 Sat 11-Feb-17 23:01:02

I was pregnant when i suffered a bereavement.
I was pregnant with Dd2 when Dd1 died suddenly. At the same time my mum who had dementia had to go into a care home. I spent the last 2mths of my pregnancy in bed with the duvet over my head I was devastated.
All I wanted was my mum( as you do). We never told her Dd1 had died, didn't want to upset or confuse her. I remember going to visit and crying all the way home. It sometimes felt like a double bereavement.

Dd2 is 14 months now and I do visit my mum alot. She doesn't know who I am anymore but she does love seeing dd2.
Hope you have someone you can talk to. With me I buried alot of my feelings and tried to carry on but it did catch up with me. I still have bad days but I can deal with them better now.
Take Care flowers

EsmesBees Sun 12-Feb-17 10:40:40

Thank you both for replying. Out with I'll have a read of the other thread. Coco my heart goes out to you. I am pleased your mum gets comfort from seeing dd2. I think I have buried a lot of my feelings, because it's just easier than talking about them. I keep wondering about ringing one of the helplines but then other days I feel fine, and I would be wasting their time.

Mimi333 Sun 12-Feb-17 14:43:13

Hi Esmes
I don't have any advice I'm afraid but I do know what you're going through. My dad passed away 5 weeks ago & I have a just turned 2 year old who he completely adored and the feeling was mutual. I am also pregnant with twins & utterly devastated that he won't be here to see them & share it with me. It hurts all day every day at the moment that he's missing out on everything my son does & I feel I can't get excited about this pregnancy without him here. So I do understand how you're feeling. It's just horrible sad xxx
So sorry for your losses too outwith & coco sending huge hugs xxx

itsnotterrysitsmine Sun 19-Feb-17 19:48:05

I understand your pain. 10 days after finding out we are expecting dc3 my beautiful mum left us unexpectedly. She was taken very ill very quickly & I never even had chance to tell her about it. Her & my dad had retired abroad so I wasn't with her in her final days to help her or comfort her. The idea of her being alone, frightened & wanting me there haunts me

Piratefairy78 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:57:07

I understand. I had my DS 2 days before my mum died. She was literally hanging on to see him. Although my dad is still around it's not the same. My DS is now 10 and I still often think 'I wish my mum was here'. Everyone says time is a great healer. Most of the time it's true however the anniversary of her passing and DS' birthday are a nightmare each year.

Bellabooboo Thu 06-Apr-17 22:24:13

I understand. My DF passed away very suddenly (heart attack) when i was 21 weeks pregnant in the summer last year. Its hard (for me because I couldn't have a drink!). Take it easy on yourself and try and get as much rest as possible. I wish he was here, he's missing out on seeing me being 'owned' by my toddler who he loved so much.

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