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Lost my big sis

(17 Posts)
boolifooli Sun 05-Feb-17 22:02:22

Jesus it hurts. Been off work for a week and no way I can work week coming. Massive crushing waves of pain. Trying to have normality but feel am in a weird parallel universe where the appearance is the same but everything is very very different.

Heart is poleaxed.

Purplefoxpaws Sun 05-Feb-17 22:03:21

So sorry for your loss. flowers

3littlebadgers Sun 05-Feb-17 22:03:47

I'm so sorry flowers

Purplefoxpaws Sun 05-Feb-17 22:04:30

Sorry, I posted too soon.

Take one day at a time, do you have real life support? Are you able to get signed off?

Paddingtonthebear Sun 05-Feb-17 22:04:35

flowers

So sorry you're going through this. I lost my sibling 20 years ago this month and I can relate to everything you've said.

Hang in there.

Frouby Sun 05-Feb-17 22:05:22

I am so sorry for your loss.

Do you have company? Are you able to call on people if you need them. Don't go to work if you can't xx

knaffedoff Sun 05-Feb-17 22:09:20

I am so sorry for your loss, would you like to talk about her ?

plinkyplonkyploo Sun 05-Feb-17 22:15:10

Am so sorry for your loss. Been there- lost my sister a year ago last Weds. One day at a time as pp have said. Thinking of you.

boolifooli Sun 05-Feb-17 22:36:28

Boss okay about it. Spoke earlier.

She was my big sis innit. Pain so bad. Not sure why posted. Just want world to know how how much she meant to me. She'd been ill a long time. She seemed invincible.

Am beside myself.

knaffedoff Mon 06-Feb-17 07:11:30

Did you manage any sleep / rest booli? Be kind to yourself, one day, one hour at a time [Flowers]

boolifooli Mon 06-Feb-17 08:40:30

Thanks everyone. Eating fine. Sleep is just weird. Def not getting to the proper stage of it.

The paperwork that needs to be done is very triggering, I guess everything will be.

I feel like I'm swimming in her. But drowning at the same time. In a repeating loop.

There is laughter though. Dh is looking after me and he's been brilliant.

I occasionally have a little feeling of almost normality and it feels amazing but then it's gone as soon as I notice it. And then I feel guilt for having felt a bit normal for a moment. It's so exhausting isn't it.

echt Mon 06-Feb-17 08:40:49

thanks, booli. So sorry for your loss.

UnmanWitteringAndZigo Mon 06-Feb-17 12:00:17

I'm so sorry, booli.

I feel your pain. I'm 2.5 months in from my sister dying. One second at a time is all I can advise. Thinking of you.

boolifooli Mon 06-Feb-17 13:35:33

It's so profound. I've lost people before but this is a very different pain. I've just managed to do a bit of sorting. Now having me some cat love.

UnmanWitteringAndZigo Mon 06-Feb-17 15:39:02

I agree, booli. I'm continually taken aback by all the many painful manifestations of this. I've found that as well as losing someone you love beyond words, it's like you lose massive chunks of the person you've known yourself as since childhood.

Poudrenez Tue 14-Feb-17 12:02:54

Booli I lost my brother three years ago. It's beyond shite but things will get easier to handle, I promise. flowers

All I can say is let it happen, cry when you can. And laugh - the day my brother died someone one Magic FM sent a shout out to their three friends, who were on their way to a Gabrielle concert. Somehow that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard! It's all ups and downs, you've just got to ride it. flowers

boolifooli Wed 15-Feb-17 20:38:52

Getting less 'drowny'. Still feel wrong and in a parallel life. Am trying to actively accept that feeling instead of feeling like I'm fighting the shift in my head. I can only live one day at time. I don't need to accept she has gone for everyday. Just the day in front of me.

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