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When will I be ready to go back to work?

(6 Posts)
Lemond1fficult Mon 30-Jan-17 10:53:24

Hello all. My first time posting in 'Bereavement'.

My lovely dad had a sudden, immediately fatal heart attack 10 days ago. It's going to autopsy this week, so he won't be buried for another two weeks.

I'm freelance and was due to start a new contract the following Monday. They've been lovely, and have said (through my recruiter) that they'd hang on for a couple of weeks. But in that timetable I'd be starting on Monday, when my dad won't be buried or his flat sorted out! I'm also at the point where I'm fine 95% time, but very upset/not quite with it on occasion. I work in a quite a stressful field, with very long hours sometimes. Money isn't an immediate problem, thankfully.

So my question is - when did you go back, and how was it for you? Did it help you move on? How did you manage your emotions during the day?

Thank you, and sympathy for anyone going through similar.

Watto1 Mon 30-Jan-17 11:02:17

My dad died on a Wednesday (I found out in the evening) and I had to go back on the following Tuesday. I was only allowed 3 days compassionate leave. I got through it in a bit of a haze to be honest. My boss and colleagues were fantastic. I just kept as busy as I could. Although I didn't want to go to work, it was probably best for me . Luckily dad's brother sorted out the practical side of arranging the funeral etc. Don't worry about your dad's flat. That can wait. DSis and I sorted dad's flat over a long weekend a couple of weeks later. His landlord was very good and let us take as long as we needed to.

Sorry for your loss flowers

BackforGood Mon 30-Jan-17 11:07:40

Firstly, sorry for your loss.

For me, in the 'interim' / waiting period, I preferred to be working. Something to 'do' as it were. In terms of practicalities, you will be busier, not less so in the next month, so your contract 'hanging on ' for a couple of weeks isn't going to help.
Would it be a possibility to start the contract now, on the
understanding you don't know how you will feel or the practicalities of working around the arrangements you need to make? You could 'break the back of it' before needing to set it aside in 2 or 3 weeks time? (Obviously not knowing what it is you do or how much you need to be working with a team and how much you can be doing in an 'as and when you feel up to it' way).
When my Mum and then my Dad died, I was quite glad to have something to occupy my brain at various times over the next couple of weeks, when you are just 'waiting'.
Of course we are all different, but my experience is that you don't "feel better" next week or next month or 4 months down the line, you have to sort of 'keep going' and do what you can, when you can.

Lemond1fficult Mon 30-Jan-17 13:08:08

Watto I'm so sorry you just had to struggle through. I'd have been mince if I'd tried to go to work when you had to. Would you have taken longer if work had allowed it/money was no object?

backforgood I'm a project manager, and I'd be working with a brand-new team I haven't met before, so I do need to be hands-on. I also live 2 hours away from my Dad so have been doing a lot of back and forthing, as don't want my dsis to be left sorting everything.

Hmmm. I'm going to think about starting next Monday, and see if we can sort his flat this week. That might be the best thing to do. If it's too much, I can always throw in the towel, I spose, though don't want to leave anyone in the lurch.

Thanks both, for your advice. Sorry for your losses, too.

Viviennemary Mon 30-Jan-17 13:13:28

I went back after about 10 days altogether. If it had been longer I wouldn't have felt any better perhaps even worse. And everyone was very nice.

Pleasemrstweedie Mon 30-Jan-17 13:17:22

My DM died last summer in circumstances that were not straightforward. I was on a week's leave when she died. I called work the morning I was due to go back and my boss assumed I would be off that day and then the day of the funeral. At that point I hadn't slept for three nights and was in an awful state. I went straight to my GP who signed me off for a month, no questions asked. I went back after the month was up, but should have stayed off longer as I was still very wobbly and crying a lot.

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