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Dad died over Xmas I feel sad

(4 Posts)
Flippinlife72 Thu 19-Jan-17 23:26:12

My dad had lung cancer for a year, it was really traumatic watching him suffer, wondering when that day would come. In and out of hospital, having to put him in a nursing home as he couldn't manage on his own. Then he died over Xmas, it was a horrendous day he didn't want to die he was fighting, he didn't want to lye in bed he kept grabbing me to pull himself up as I think he knew he was dying and he was fighting it, which was really hard to watch and I can't forget it. However it was also good to see him out of pain and looking peaceful. This last year has been very stressful up and down the motorway 4 hour drives, I'm glad I did don't get me wrong. I wanted to be there for him and now he's gone I feel a bit lost and the fact my mum died of the same disease 16 years ago makes me cross too.

I just feel sad! I'm not crying everywhere or anything, I'm plodding on but it's hard. The funeral is now over, I feel myself and my sister did him proud. My dp has been supportive no doubt about that, he went to another funeral today and is still out drinking with the men. I feel annoyed with him for enjoying himself, I know that's wrong but I can't help feeling like that. What's wrong with me? I feel cross with people's reactions and all sorts 😞

MommaGee Fri 20-Jan-17 00:28:51

So Flipping, you're grieving. It takes times. The world carries on turning but yours is stuck in this pain and grief right now.

Give yourself time. I cant imagine how much it hurts and it's inevitability bringing up memories of your mom. Talk to your sister, your husband, maybe a grief counsellor.

flowersflowersflowers

APlaceOnTheCouch Fri 20-Jan-17 00:38:07

Im so sorry for your loss. flowers There's nothing wrong with you. Your loss is still very raw.
My DF died of lung cancer. It is a horrible illness. You'll have been suppressing your pain and hurt to be there for your DF. Now, is the time when it can bubble to the surface.
Culturally, our country is rubbish at supporting people through grief but there are counsellors and support groups. Take all the time you need. Grief isn't linear. Some days will be better than others. Be gentle with yourself.

Flippinlife72 Fri 20-Jan-17 08:13:10

I just can't believe both my parents died of the same disease. Mum didn't even see me married or meet my children she died much too soon. Dad was a good age but the last year watching him deteriorate from a strong independent man to a frail miserable ill old man was awful, he may of been old but it doesn't make it any easier, he was my dad, and I miss my chats with him and him spoiling me and interested in the children's lives. Now I have no one like that

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