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Experiences of bereavement counselling

(9 Posts)
LawrenceSMarlow Wed 18-Jan-17 20:53:22

My father died before Christmas, he was fairly young and it was more or less out of the blue, although we did have a few days to get used to the idea that he wasn't going to get better.
There's been such a lot to do, and there will be 'practical' stuff to do for months. I feel as if I haven't been properly "sad", and I don't know how to go about it. I'm not in denial, I know he's dead. I just don't want to get 5 or 10 years down the line and realise I've hidden everything inside.
I feel like to go to bereavement counselling I need to be not functioning in life because of the grief. Is that true? Or has anyone been to counselling to help them access the grief properly?

3littlebadgers Wed 18-Jan-17 20:59:17

I am so sorry you are going through this flowers

I also felt the need to grieve properly, like you the idea of being hit by the sadness out of the blue, years down the line, terrified me.

I got help via the GP and also through child bereavement UK (I lost dd2) and they were helpful in their own ways. I found they both pretty much reflected back my own emotions at me, so that I was more aware of what I was feeling rather than giving me any strategies to deal with it, if you see what I mean.

I hope this helps, my thoughts are with you flowers

LawrenceSMarlow Wed 18-Jan-17 21:22:52

Oh gosh, I'm sorry for your loss badgers sad
Thanks for your reply.

BigBadgers Wed 18-Jan-17 21:34:50

I am sorry for your loss. I think it is still very soon after a quite sudden loss and it is understandable that you are still in shock. I losy my mother after a long illness, it was no surprise, even so it took me about 3 months before it hit me. I then crashed horribly for a bit.

There is no schedule for grieving. Sometimes it takes time and everyone will deal with it differently. You don't need to feel that you are not grieving 'properly' because you are not conforming to some idea of what and when you should be feeling something.

Saying all of that if you want to go for grief counseling go for it. My mother went after my nan died. They had a complex and at times difficult relationship and she told me it help her to a lot to unpack her feelings with someone neutral. I had CBT about a year after my mum died to deal with the anxiety that hit me afterwards and was stoping me from dealing with the grief properly. It helped me a lot, though it wasn't standard tried counseling as such.

There are a number of charities that offer grief counseling and don't need a GP referral, so you could look at them and go directly. Or look at going private online if you don't want to go through the GP.

MissBeehiving Wed 18-Jan-17 21:43:28

Sorry for both your losses flowers

I had bereavement counselling after the sudden death of my DM and I did find it helped to process and understand my own feelings about it.

I wanted to be able to grieve fully for my DM and remember her in a good way instead of not being able to think about her without bursting into tears the whole time. It did help by giving me a hour is so that I could just talk about her and my feelings.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve but the counselling did help me understand what and why I was feeling what I did.

WispyWindy Wed 18-Jan-17 21:44:51

My DBro died Sept 2015 and I don't think i have yet 'accessed' my grief, mostly because on autopilot with busy life, DC, etc. I am arranging counselling only now, to give me some time to talk and reflect. Of course everyone grieves differently but just wanted to say that three months on it must still be a shock for you, so don't be surprised if it takes much longer for you to start to feel less numb. flowers for you

CitrusSun Thu 19-Jan-17 00:19:41

I can't seem to make sense of any of it and feel like I am going backwards instead of moving forwards. My dad died May 2016, I lived with him as his career, he had Alzheimer's. I keep having waves of realisation that he has gone and it makes me feel sick. I miss him as he was before Alzheimers so very much and yet as he suffered with Alzheimer's I was rubbish at looking after him, it was too much, I couldn't cope, I had taken on too much and was ill equipped, I hated and resented my role as career. I am grieving for my wonderful Dad but hating myself for being so inadequate as his career and I can't work it all out so am just beating myself up constantly

bigbluebus Thu 19-Jan-17 17:47:26

I'm thinking of going for counselling with Cruse as my (adult) DD died 6 weeks ago. Having sobbed continuously for 3 days after her death, we then got on with the practicalities of arranging the funeral, followed by Christmas and New Year activities (which were more subdued that usual). But now I seem to have drifted into 'just getting on with life' mode and it worries me that this has happened so soon. I struggle to hold back the tears if I actually have to explain to someone that DD has died but I can easily talk about her to people who already know. I don't feel as though I have grieved properly and am worried that it will all come crashing down somewhere in the future if I don't deal with it now. I suffered from panic attacks 5 months after my DF died and that was put down to the bereavement so I don't want that to happen again.

LawrenceSMarlow Mon 23-Jan-17 14:26:50

Thanks so much for your replies flowers

CitrusSun, that sounds really tough, I'm sure you weren't at all inadequate as a carer. Be kind to yourself.

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