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Does one offer to 'say a few words' at a funeral or wait to be asked?

(6 Posts)
FV45 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:46:48

As the subject says. My NDN died yesterday. I'd like to say a few words at the funeral - just to let the family know what a lovely neighbour she was.

Is it appropriate to approach the family or do you wait to be asked?
Or more like "I'd be happy to share a few thoughts"

Optimist1 Tue 17-Jan-17 16:56:15

Personally I think as NDN it would be a bit cheeky to offer, but you could write down your nice thoughts in a letter of condolence for the family. That way they will know how you valued your neighbour, and if they're short of people to speak at the funeral they might possibly ask you (but TBH I doubt that they would).

ElspethFlashman Tue 17-Jan-17 16:59:10

Wait to be asked unless you're on friendly enough terms that you're in contact with them anyway and it could come up naturally in conversation. Contacting them specially to suggest it? Bad form in my opinion.

FV45 Tue 17-Jan-17 17:12:43

Thank you. Am still in shock really so not thinking straight. We are a very close little community. The family live up the road and I talked to her DD today.

Yes, i will write my thoughts down in the card

Optimist1 Tue 17-Jan-17 17:36:42

The cards and letters that are received after the loss of someone dear are a genuine comfort, I promise, and may well be kept and re-read often in the future. You sound like a kind and caring neighbour and I'm sorry for your loss. flowers

echt Wed 18-Jan-17 09:32:22

Nonsense about it being cheeky.

Make the offer. They might take you up or not. In either case, offer them written copy of your thoughts.

How kind you are, OP. thanks

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