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brother's death

(17 Posts)
Guysecretan Sat 14-Jan-17 20:23:38

Does anyone here have a deceased sibling. My brother died suddenly at 19. I am now 30 and it still affects me massively and causes me a lot of emotional problems. I feel incredibly isolated and lonely and have lost a lot of my self confidence. It is made worse as we were twins so grew up together.

1234hello Mon 16-Jan-17 15:01:22

Hi there Guy, I''m so sorry that your brother died so young and that it is causing you problems now. Have you had counselling or would you consider seeking this sort of help?

Would you like to say a bit more about how it is affecting your daily life? Or perhaps you would like to tell us about your brother? There are sadly many bereaved people here who I'm sure will be along to offer comfort/advice.

LuckyBitches Tue 17-Jan-17 12:02:22

My little brother died almost three years ago of cancer, which was unexpected until about three days before he died. I'm sad to say the world does seem a little less bright than it did before, and I've definitely hardened as a person in many ways. Perhaps this is for the best though - I'm less likely to allow people to manipulate me, and have more empathy for people's actual tragedies. Losing a twin must be particularly hard.

flowers

UnmanWitteringAndZigo Tue 17-Jan-17 14:15:59

I'm so sorry your brother died, Guy, and that you're having such a hard time.

And I'm so sorry your brother died, Lucky, and about all the ongoing effects this has had.

I would like to be able to say something to help, but I'm not sure I can.
My sister died a few weeks ago. Some days, I feel like the world has gone down a black hole.

You have my every sympathy. Wishing you all the very best flowers

LuckyBitches Wed 18-Jan-17 11:23:01

Unman - electric flowers to you too

flowers
flowers
flowers

It does get easier, I promise.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet Mon 23-Jan-17 22:39:36

My brother was killed when I was 18, he was 24. He left the house for a night out and never came home again. 23 years later I still want him to walk back through that door. I didn't have counselling. Hearing my parents wail each morning when they woke up and had to face another day without their son was nearly just as heartbreaking. It's given me health anxiety. I have four children who I've always been a SAHM to as I can't face leaving them in case they die. They've never been away on an overnight school trip even. I check then every night before I go to bed, even during the night and the eldest is an adult now! My husband keeps me grounded but I know it's due to losing my brother. I'm sad because I never had an adult relationship with him. He was still my 'annoying' big brother. I wasn't mature to treasure him like I should have and I'll always feel so angry about it. I don't know how my post will help but I had to say it. I have no other siblings and he was such a wonderful guy. He was so kind and lovely, even when I was such a bloody brat!

CopperBoomCopperBoom Thu 26-Jan-17 16:07:52

My sister died when I was 19. I'm still really struggling with it, like you I lost any self confidence I had, any trust in the world or other people. I lost my friends, have a difficult relationship with the rest of my family. I've met only one person who has been through something similar and when we open up to each other (when we drink...) it is the best thing, I haven't been able to tell anyone about my sister in all this time until I met her.
I desperately want to go back and tell my family how I feel about everything and how much I needed them and my "friends" to be there, but I feel now it's too late and will only serve to make the relationships worse.
I don't have answers.

Owllady Thu 26-Jan-17 16:12:15

I'm really sorry for all of you flowers
I lost my sister when she was in her early twenties and it is heart breaking. Counselling and time really does help but you never fully recover really and people are naive to think you do.

Didiplanthis Fri 27-Jan-17 14:43:55

Hello. No advice as such but there is an organisation for twins who have lost their twin. I think it is called twinlesstwin.org they may be able to help you understand how you are feeling and will have others who can share the loneliness of losing a twin. ( I have twins and my friend lost one of her twins in childhood. Tamba told me about them when I was trying to find help for her )

cheekybean Mon 30-Jan-17 22:09:53

My brother was killed in a car accident in 2013. He was 23 and i was 25. There isnt a day goes by when I dont miss him. Even now i can still cry, a song on the radio, or a smell. Anything can trigger it. My brother was my best friend, we did everything together. It does get easier, I promise.

Big hugs OP

UnmanWitteringAndZigo Tue 31-Jan-17 13:36:37

I'm so sorry to hear about all of your siblings.
Thinking of you all flowers

MissMrsMsXX Tue 31-Jan-17 13:39:50

I'm sorry for all of your losses on here.

There's a comedian, Cariad Lloyd, who does an amazing podcast on grief. One features the comedian Jayde Adams who talks about her sister dying.

www.theguardian.com/stage/2016/dec/02/dead-funny-comedy-grief-standups-death-humour-laughter

soundcloud.com/griefcast/griefcast-episode-2-jayde-adams

dirtyprettything Mon 06-Feb-17 12:48:38

My brother died of suicide.

Nobody talks about sibling loss.

I recommend The Last Act of Love by Cathy Rentzenbrink.

Love to all of you who have lost a brother or sister.

UnmanWitteringAndZigo Mon 06-Feb-17 17:27:18

dirtypretty, I'm so sorry about your brother.

My sister's death was by suicide, too. I'll look up that book.

Tootsiepops Mon 06-Feb-17 17:32:31

My younger brother died age 29. That was 5 years ago. My parents didn't recover from it - my dad died the year after, and my mum died last year.

I really would recommend counselling with Cruse. They have been my lifeline.

flowers all round.

Imaginationfailedtoload Mon 06-Feb-17 17:34:55

My sister was killed in a car crash when she was 18 and I was 17. I'm now 52 and that night is still crystal clear in my head. I remember the sound my mum made when the policeman at the door brought the bad news. Losing my sister has definitely shaped my personality. She's been gone longer than she was alive but I still think of her daily and wonder how her life would've turned out if she were still with us.

lavenderpekins Mon 06-Feb-17 17:42:06

20 years ago my brother died he was 16 I was 14. He died in an awful way and we still don't know what actually happened. I'm afraid to say that it has affected my whole life, my decisions, my choices, my relationships. He was very funny and left a massive gap and I loved him.

There is lots of comfort and hope in my children and watching them grow.

I can empathise with people who have also suffered loss and trauma. People also say I'm wise.

Have you thought about therapy or going into counselling yourself as a career? X

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