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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Im new here but wanted to post about my angel xx

39 replies

mommie2angels · 23/02/2007 07:34

Okay everyone, I'm Kate and I live in Kent in the UK. Im 17 and in August 2006 i had a miscarriage at 13 and a half weeks pregnant. I was complete distraught as even thought I'm young I was going to keep the baby and give her the best life I possibly could. Today would have been my due date and I'm finding it hard to cope with. I just keep crying and I think my friends and family are all in agreeance that I should be coping better than I am, maybe even be "over it". What do you all think? Is the way I'm reacting to what has happened normal?
I had a second miscarriage at the end of January this year; I was 8 weeks 3 days gone. That affected me in the same way as my first baby did but not as badly. If anyone out there recognizes how I'm feeling can you post please because I don't know how much longer I can put up with having this all bottled up inside me.
Thanks,
Kate xx

OP posts:

Report

fryalot · 23/02/2007 07:39

You are reacting perfectly normally.

You have every right to be upset.

I do know what you're going through and I know it is horrible, especially around the time that the baby would have been due.

Please try not to bottle it up.

Somebody will probably come along soon and give you much better words of advice than me, but having been through this myself I couldn't not post something.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

GhostOfMumsnet · 23/02/2007 07:41

I don't have any experience of your situation but it must be very difficult for you. Someone here will definately be able to help

IntergalacticDave · 23/02/2007 08:31

m2a, IO dom;t have any experience of your situation eiother, but I just wanted so say hello, and also that there are lots of ladies on here who have been in your situation.

I agree with squonk that it's best to talk about it, and that's what we are all here for

totaleclipse · 23/02/2007 08:36

Hi there, sorry you are feeling so low, I have no experience either, but can guarentee you will get heaps of support here, its early morning so you may need to keep bumping.

And welcome

totaleclipse · 23/02/2007 09:34

bump

littlelapin · 23/02/2007 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wotzsaname · 23/02/2007 09:37

mommie2angels - how sad for you. Please stay around today, i'm sure some nice mnetters will be here for you, not just for today, but to listen anytime.

Rhian101 · 23/02/2007 09:40

I'm so sorry your family are not being more supportive. This is completely normal - in fact I'd be really surprised if you were 'over it' - whatever that means. Some people find it very hard to equate miscarriage with actually losing a baby. Hence the comments like "At least you're young enough to have more" etc. That's not the point. The point is that, that baby is gone and must be grieved for. Can you try to talk to them again and explain that you have a right to grieve for your lost babies and that they should be more supportive?

vitomum · 23/02/2007 09:40

how horribly hard for you. of course you must be feeling distraught, epecially on today of all days. You are perfectly entitled to cry as long and hard as you need to. Don't let others dictate how you should feel.

hewlettsdaughter · 23/02/2007 09:41

Hi, sorry to hear about your miscarriages . Whatever your reaction is, is normal. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to about things? Have you looked at sites like the Miscarriage Association ?

Rhian101 · 23/02/2007 09:42

Oh and just so you know, I lost my DD at 13 and a half weeks, she would have been due 3 years ago, two days ago. I'm still not 'over it'. I don't feel as sad as I used to, but I will always miss her. Have you thought about maybe lighting a candle for her, or doing something in memory?

Songbird · 23/02/2007 09:57

I think this needs bumping to get people's attention. It sounds like what you're going through is perfectly normal. A lot of people think that unless a miscarriage is late in the pregnancy it's not as upsetting. All three of my SILs have had more than one miscarriage and I know how devastating it was for them, and still is sometimes. Just feel what you feel and try to explain to those closest to you. There should be a 'supportive' smiley .

wotzsaname · 23/02/2007 10:23

bump

hewlettsdaughter · 23/02/2007 12:55

.

Tiggerish · 23/02/2007 13:10

Hi mommie2angels - you are definately not over-reacting. it is completely normal to feel as you do about losing a baby, and to have lost 2 - even more so. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks a few years age and still remember the intense sadness around the due date. Everyone had forgotten about it, and when I mentioned it to my Mum she seemed really surprised that I even remembered She certainly wasn't supportive or sympathetic.

I got really down about it, bottling it all up and then a good friend of mine phoned to say she had been thinking of me, because she knew I would have been due. Well, i completely dissolved! But it was so good to talk about it and have it acknowledged as a significant event iykwim.

It makes such a difference to be able to talk about it - one of things mumsnet is so good for

Rhian101 · 23/02/2007 15:47

bump

lulu1414 · 23/02/2007 16:50

Mommie- (kate) I just wanted to say hi and say I really do understand what you are going through. I really feel for you. I had a miscarriage at 12 and a half weeks and have found that people just think I should be "over it" (it was about 5 months ago). I feel like I think about the baby and what could have been every second on the day. Maybe you should think about getting some counselling or finding people to talk with you about it (I find it is really good to have a couple of friends with whom I can talk) or just by getting support here. Most of my friends just want to pretend that it didn't happen. I don't think there is any timeline for grief. My thoughts are with you on this tough day. I do think it will get easier, though.

jellybeans · 23/02/2007 18:02

Hi Kate, so sorry for your losses hun xx I lost my first baby when I was 17 also, at 11 wks. Few people recognised the emotional pain involved and I ended up drinking too much and had no counselling etc was totally alone. Since then I have had another 2 m/c and 3 full term pg's. I don't think we ever 'get over' it as we will always miss our angels and think what should have been. Things that helped me were talking about my angels and creating memorials for them, and seeking out others who have lost; sites like babyloss.com have forums on with people who know how it feels. Take care xxxx

3andnomore · 23/02/2007 18:03

m2a....I would say your reaction is completely normal.
I had a m/c before I had my es, and I was lucky enough to be pg again (with es) when the tiem of my edd neared and that did help me thorugh the time.
Even now, 11 years later, I still get sad about it when the due date arrives...luckily the actual edd doesn't come along that often (as it was 29th of Feb..., however, end of feb/beginning of march I feel that sadness.
Give yourself time to heal and grieve.
All my best wishes, and loads of (((cyberhugs)))!

YummyMummy34 · 23/02/2007 18:11

So sorry for your losses - how you are feeling is completely normal (I know too well). Please don't bottle it up, use MN to get your feelings out or have a read of other threads.

Unfortunately, I think that unless you have been through a mc it is very hard to understand how you feel - the hormones are racing and all you want is your baby back.

Your two little ones will be with you for ever - you don't have to forget them or get 'over' them.

Kif · 23/02/2007 18:31

I think a woman becomes a mother as soon as she conceives - just because no one saw them doesn't mean they weren't your whole, complete, perfect babies once.

No one would tell someone mourning a 1 year old to 'get over it' on the basis that their babies were small - why do they do that for miscarriages?

LadyMacbeth · 23/02/2007 18:42

I'm so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage when I wasn't much older than you and still wonder what might have been. I remember feeling very sad when the due date came around.

Prayers and thoughts with you Kate xxxx

mommie2angels · 24/02/2007 13:02

Thanks for all of yoursupportive messages ladies. I'm sory I couldnt stick around yesterday, I had to go to school though. I didnt actually go though, I got off of the school bus and went to my friends house as I knew I wouldnt be able to cope with school. My friend was really great, he just tried to keep my spirits up all day, bless him. I cant cry in front of him - I dont know why, I just never have, something always stops the tears from coming when they feel like they are on their way - so i just put on my happy front all day. Yesterday had to be one of the hardest days of my life, I miss my babies so much and its hurts. Everytime I think about them I get a huge lumpin the back of my throat and then feel like my stomach is being ripped out. Just wish that they were here with me now, even though of course if I hadnt miscarried the first time I wouldnt have been pregnant with the second yet, but I'm sure you can sort of get what I mean

Kate xx

OP posts:

Abwab · 25/02/2007 20:45

I understand how you feel, I had a missed miscarriage at the end of January (12 wks but my baby died at around 9 wks) and its a very difficult thing to have to go through.

Take care and i'm thinking of you and our angels x

lissielou · 25/02/2007 20:52

M2A, ive had 3 mcs in the last 18m and my 2nd mc would have been due around now, everyone i know seemed to get pg at the same time and now theyre having their babies and i want mine.

what you are feeling is perfectly normal. you arent just mourning your angels, youre mourning the lives that they and you should have had. dont rush it, you need time to heal. it will get better tho, i promise. you'll never forget them but you will be able to remember them

Flip

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