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Support - other than on here - when you lose a parent

(7 Posts)
Twozealotmorethan1 Sat 14-Jan-17 12:10:10

My dear Mum is critically ill in ITU. It's very unlikely she will come out of there alive. We are distraught.
Just wondering what sources of practical and emotional support others have found helpful at this stage and when a death has happened please? My Dad is struggling with the prospect of bekng alone after years of being Mum's carer and doesn't want to stay in their house after she's gone. I also have two young children (pre-schooler and a baby) so want to support them as best I can too.
And how do you deal with the regrets even when you know deep down there is nothing to regret and the deceased person would agree.

ReluctantlyRedundant101 Sat 14-Jan-17 19:05:14

Even when a death is expected I think it still comes as a shock and you may have feelings you weren't expecting. I think for now it's best not to look too far ahead as that can be very overwhelming. I don't think there's any easy way through other to focus all your energy on your mum until her passing. So sorry for your situation

Frazzle76 Sat 14-Jan-17 23:35:44

My mum died in Thursday evening and although I know she is no longer in pain it is difficult to reconcile with never seeing her again. I think even when you know it's coming it hits like a ton of bricks. I know I couldn't have done more for my mum but I'm still lying here blaming myself for little things. I think you should expect that too and try to prepare yourself to talk yourself out of it. Most hospices will offer family support and bereavement counselling for those who have been terminally ill (through lots of different illnesses) aswell. Remember it's ok for us to be angry. Whether it's a short fuse or just generally at everybody else who still has their parent. Sending love and prayers xx

Twozealotmorethan1 Sun 15-Jan-17 09:02:43

Thanks both.
Sorry for your loss frazzle.
Day by day is good advice but I'm the type who likes to know all the scenarios and prepare so it's hard.
I will definitely look into bereavement counselling when the time comes.

Twozealotmorethan1 Sat 21-Jan-17 13:01:11

Sadly my mum died yesterday in the ITU. She was unable to survive once off the ventilator due to her underlying heart and lung issues. She was made comfortable and passed peacefully surrounded by her closest family. We are bereft and broken.

user1485000332 Sat 21-Jan-17 13:03:12

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

Wanted to share these people with you in the hopes you might be able to get some help
www.cruse.org.uk/

alazuli Sun 22-Jan-17 13:00:49

Op and Frazzle sorry about your mums. My mum died of cancer so I had time to prepare myself as well but it doesn't matter how much time you've had to get your head around it in advance, it always feels too soon and like a big shock - I think because part of us hopes that it won't happen even if it's obvious to everyone else.

I took a lot of time off work to be with my mum because I know I'm the type of person to have regrets and I didn't want to have any over my mum. Even so, the moment she died I instantly started feeling guilty. I think it's normal no matter what you do. For me, I just tried not to dwell on it and let it consume me. Easier said than done!

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