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Practical suggestions please for collecting memories for my friend's children

(10 Posts)
jumpingthroughpuddles Tue 10-Jan-17 22:22:50

A good friend died very unexpectedly and tragically a couple of weeks ago, leaving 2 primary school aged kids. Being so young they've not just lost their Mum but all the time they should have had with her in years to come - it's heartbreaking. We live in quite a close-knit community and lots of friends and neighbours went to baby groups with her when the kids were tiny and then onto nursery and school, I though it might help her kids in some small way to collect some of those memories. Her family don't live nearby and weren't involved in her day to day life with the kids so some of the school run memories might get lost otherwise. Lots of people would like to contribute and I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas for how best to collect those memories?

MalignantTomber Wed 11-Jan-17 11:20:35

Im really sorry to hear of your loss.

Would people consider doing a diary type book? We have similar that my mum did before she passed away for DD, its got things like her favourite sweets, things she liked as a kid, books, friends all sorts of bits that people seem to forget about as the years go by. My DD was 3 when my mum passed away, but at 7 still loves picking up the book and learning about my mum.

jumpingthroughpuddles Sun 15-Jan-17 14:23:52

Thank you - that's a lovely idea

CMOTDibbler Sun 15-Jan-17 15:02:33

I think that gathering all the photos of their mum, esp with them and any videos with her in in particular so that they can hear her voice would be brilliant. Alongside that lots of memories of the 'you always liked your milk warm and from the blue cup, and I remember your mum forgot it one day and you screamed' type would help to fill in some of the gaps in their 'things about you' story. The sort of thing your mum tells you about how funny you were as a toddler, who your friends were, silly things you did etc

teaandakitkat Fri 20-Jan-17 22:22:49

A mum at our school died suddenly leaving a 5 yr old. We bought a box of nice colours index cards and passed them around, everyone wrote a memory of her on each card and we gave them all to the family. I know that four years later they still look at all the cards now and again. I babysat for the kid a few months ago and he was showing me the cards and talking about the stories.

imip Fri 20-Jan-17 22:28:03

We going to add drawing a picture of a special memory, perhaps giving them a memory box.

Here are some ideas from CBUK childbereavementuk.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/When_your_partner_has_died_web-1.pdf?noredir=true

ferriswheel Fri 20-Jan-17 22:30:05

I am so sorry for your loss.

Maybe a box of treasures, her favourite perfume?

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 20-Jan-17 23:48:52

All of these are lovely ideas.

Can I also add, from experience of losing a close family member, talk about their mother all the time. Just passing references. What they liked, what they would have thought about something. How the children remind you of her.

Keep her as part of day to day life.
This is painful at first so is often avoided, and that becomes a habit.

Even if it's upsetting for the adults concerned, the children will like to know that their mother was loved and is missed.

It becomes comforting for all concerned to be able to talk freely about the absent person years later.

jumpingthroughpuddles Tue 24-Jan-17 21:24:54

Thank you for all the lovely ideas - I've bought some nice card to give to people to write on. Seemed better than a book where I'd be worrying about having too many pages or not enough or it getting lost or damaged while it was being handed round.

Their dad has basically taken over her role and is determined to keep the show on the road. It's the right thing to do I'm sure, but it's also quite surreal, everything is carrying on like it always did just with him there instead of her. I guess that probably makes it even more important to mention her - it must seem like we've all forgotten already.

ScaryMonstersandSuperCreeps Tue 24-Jan-17 22:15:37

Winston's Wish do a book called Muddles Puddles And Sunshine which might be helpful?? here

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