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My dad passed away 7 months ago unexpectadly

(6 Posts)
Saydz92 Sun 08-Jan-17 19:29:53

I'm only 24 and sadly lost my dad in may 2016. As any other person on here who has lost a family member will agree the pain is unbearable. He wasn't ill , believe it or not he was out on his pedal bike and his friend managed to clip his foot pedal which caused my dad to fall off his bike and he hit his head on the concrete and ended up suffering a brain hemeriage , 4 heart attacks, he fractured his skull and punctured his lung with his ribs! It's saddens me so much that such a simple thing ended up going so wrong so quick. I'm really struggling .. it was his birthday and Father's Day a few weeks after he passed away. I've had my first birthday without him and now my first Christmas and new year.. occasions don't really bother me - but I was beyond close with my dad we spent every day together and I think it's only until now I've only just been able to start to grieve. I have a brother at 21 & my mum who I still live with both of them. My mum is in A very dark place as we all are but I feel heartbroken all the time trying to stay strong and it's wearing me down. I don't feel the need to cry all the time but I've found I get very anxious and a wave of sickness comes over me and I just want to be on my own all the time. I've been on anti depressants but I came off them because I realised they didn't do anything your in control of how you feel .. I am just very sad I've lost my best friend so young, it's made family life a lot tougher, my brother and Mum argue a lot and I feel I can't go out because I don't want my mum to feel alone. I've got a best friend my age who lost her dad to cancer 3 years ago. Despite that I still don't feel I can talk to anyone though I don't know what to say ! Honestly feel lost

ReluctantlyRedundant101 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:33:29

So sorry for your loss 24 is such a young age and that was such a tragic way to lose your father. I lost my dad a few months ago too after an illness.
There's no easy way through. Some days are easier than others and some days the grief is just overwhelming but every day and every person is different your mum and your brother's grief will be different to yours and they will have their own good days and bad. For me I liken it to standing at the edge of a sinkhole some days you can walk around the edge and look down and its ok and sometimes you fall in. On those days all you can do is pull yourself out and hope that it will get easier. I'm sure it will in time

Daisiesandgerberas Sun 08-Jan-17 21:09:55

It's a cliché but give time time.

If you need to be on your own, be on your own. There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

I am so so sorry you're having to go through this.

echt Mon 09-Jan-17 06:30:33

My DH died suddenly six months ago and our DD is only a few years younger than you. Like you she was very close to him, a real friend as well as a dad.

A couple of things occur to me.

If it's not too personal, what do your mum and DB argue about? Are you reluctant to go because you're leaving him with her?

Has she said she feels alone? Try not to imagine and project feelings onto your mum if she hasn't said as much. Come to think of it, even if she has, you have your own life to lead.

Also, there's a level of loneliness when your husband has died that children, however loving, can't touch. It's companionship, and a child is not that companion in my opinion.

thanks for you.

Saydz92 Mon 09-Jan-17 08:27:56

My mum is very lonely indeed they were married for 25 years and were married after knowing each other for 2 weeks! They did everything together and even when they were married my mum didn't have a social life as such as everything literally revolved around my dad. So now she struggles even more. On one occasion she mentioned she didn't want to be here any more and didn't move from bed for a few days but I don't think she's in that place now .
I can't afford to move out at the minute. I lost my job not long after my dad passed and I've managed to have a couple of temporary jobs but back to square one now which is giving me cabin fever at home , but I also need to be helping my mum out financially

echt Mon 09-Jan-17 20:48:12

Oh dear. Your mum sounds a bit like me; DH and I did everything together, and I'm painfully aware of how much of our social life was generated by his gregarious nature.

I can see why you are concerned about leaving your mum. While I've not been in such a dark place as your her, I'm glad to see she seems to have moved on a bit. One thing I've tried in order to get out more is to say yes to everything (nothing weird or pervy, of coursegrin) The difficulty here could be your mum accepting this. I thought of it for myself as I'd long recognised my introverted nature and knew I had to do something, though I also know I'm very resistant to being advised in the well-meaning way the bereaved are: "Keep busy/have a project, etc.", particularly when I haven't even asked for such advice. hmm

You mention money, so this might limit what can be done, as some "yeses" cost. Also, could you be saying yes, too? When Pps on other threads speak of voluntary work, book clubs, etc. to the isolated, they sound like a cliche, but they offer a structured out of the house, another perspective and useful activity.

I hope you get a job soon; financial concerns on top of bereavement are horrible.

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