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Missing DD

(15 Posts)
Leapling Mon 02-Jan-17 18:59:58

I'm missing my DD so much. I thought after my first Christmas and new year without her I'd feel a little better but it's just made things worse. I hate that I'm now in a year where she won't exist.

It's been just over 3 months and everyone else is moving on but I miss her more than ever. I'm due back at work but can't face it. Being in the company of so many people who know and who will be looking at me and judging makes me feel so anxious.

I still go to bed every night wishing it was all a bad dream. She was my whole world and only 7 months old. She never had a chance to live. Completely innocent and deprived a life for no reason. I just can't accept it.

Scottishgymnast Mon 02-Jan-17 19:03:17

I have no advice but just wanted to send you my love.

3 months still sounds like very early days to me. But I can understand that if pain is unbearable 3 months probably feels like a long time.

All I can say is be gentle to yourself and surround yourself with people that make you feel the best you possibly can in what must be a truely horrendous situation.

UnbelievablyChocolatey Mon 02-Jan-17 19:04:02

Oh OP I'm so sorry. Can't imagine what you must be going through. I doubt there is anything worse in the world than losing a child. Love you you flowers

UnbelievablyChocolatey Mon 02-Jan-17 19:04:39

*to you

gluteustothemaximus Mon 02-Jan-17 19:15:44

So sorry to read your postflowers

Didn't want to read and run, even though I don't have any advice.

Is there anyone else who shares in your pain...partner/husband? Anyone who you can talk to in RL?

If you want to talk about your beautiful DD, please do x

angelopal Mon 02-Jan-17 19:17:50

Sorry for your loss. We lost our first at 4 days old. 3 months is not long. Going back to work is really difficult. Are you doing a phased return to work? That really helped me.

Its been 4 years now and while the pain doesnt go away it is less raw. Take care.

JennyOnAPlate Mon 02-Jan-17 19:18:49

I'm so sorry that your beautiful girl died flowers

Three months is such a short time. Do you have food support around you?

JennyOnAPlate Mon 02-Jan-17 19:19:39

Good not food!

ashley0710 Mon 02-Jan-17 19:22:00

I'm so truly sorry for your loss xxxxxx

Thetruthfairy Mon 02-Jan-17 19:26:46

I am so sorry op xxxxx
If you are anxious about returning to work please go see your gp xxx

Leapling Mon 02-Jan-17 20:14:16

I have great family which helps but my husband has been back at work for 2 months now so I'm not sure how much he understands my anxiety.

Thank you for the kind posts. I'm not expecting anyone to have a miracle solution as I know nothing will make me feel better but I do find it helpful to just get my thoughts out.

NavyandWhite Wed 04-Jan-17 15:01:49

So sorry OP. 3 months is absolutely nothing. It takes a long long time for the initial shock to slowly wear off to become a point where you can function a little more. There's nothing linear about loss and grief. One day you feel like you're coping and the next day it hits you like a sledgehammer.

It's small steps. Looking after yourself the best you can, talking to those who understand and will listen. Sadly it's a long and arduous road.

flowers

Basicbrown Fri 06-Jan-17 16:44:25

No experience of losing a child but 3 months is no time. When DM died it was almost the worst time because the shock was wearing off and the reality was starting to hit. If you need more time then take it.

minmooch Mon 09-Jan-17 13:22:08

3 months is no time at all. My son died nearly three years ago aged 18 - I'm still in shock, disbelief, angry, frightened.

I do work full time now but I'm not 'better', 'back to normal' or any of those sayings.

Sometimes I barely exist. Sometimes I enjoy myself. Sometimes I feel numb. Sometimes the anger is overwhelming.

It's a roller coaster of emotions and I'm sure it will always be thus. How can it not be when your child has died?

You learn to live with grief walking beside you. It's not easy, it takes time, you go back and forth thinking you're coping and then you don't.

I can appreciate things - the sun on my face, walking in the snow, delicious food. But I'd still always rather be doing these things with my son alive on the earth somewhere.

I live for my other son, for my family and friends. Sometimes I live a little for myself. I'm sure in time the living for yourself gets bigger and easier.

Be gentle on yourself. 3 months is no time at all. People grieve in different ways. It might help your partner to be at work, to be busy, to distract. He won't grieve like you and you not like him. At times your grief will match but from hearing others experiences (in single) most couples grieve differently from each other. No way is the right way. You just have your way.

Borisrules Wed 11-Jan-17 22:37:02

Leapling,
It's been a few days now since anyone posted so I just wanted to check in to see how you are?
I have no experience about what you're going through but just wanted to send you some positive and healing vibes.
Grief is an awful thing and also a strange thing. It affects people at different times and in different ways.
Please be kind to yourself. It won't always feel this way, it will feel different, but life will eventually take on a new "normal"
Seek out your closest friends and lean on them.
I'm sending you every good wish in the world.

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