Have this awful feeling of foreboding. After a family rift (in the wake of a bereavement - isn't that too often the way?), my uncle who was/is the last real link I have with my dad, disappeared from our lives. He took another relative's side against me - it was horrid and so sad as we'd had a great relationship up to then.
In January, DH phoned my uncle (living in another country) for some family information. Pleasant conversation & some email correspondence. I was still, after all those years, feeling bruised, scarred about being sidelined again and left DH to break the ice after so many years. Uncle agreed we should all meet up sometime. Still, my sadness at what happened after mum died remained strong and I didn't do anything.
But this weekend, we tried again and this time his phone goes to another voice message and his and my aunt's house appears to be for rent. Have spend the weekend trying to find out if he's dead or alive ... no other close relative to ask. I want to introduce uncle to my kids, to try to heal the absurd rift, to talk to him about my dad, to share memories. His wife clearly isn't living at home or on the same number.
Tomorrow, when I'm at work, DH (he can be more objective - he's being wonderful), will phone a local church (uncle & aunt were involved once) and possibly a more distant relative who's bound to know something. So, I'll get news one way or another and right now I feel cold, ill, desperately angry with myself for not having strength and courage to take steps before now.
Sorry - I had to write this down. Dealing potentially with grief whilst fighting self-anger, deep regret and unanswered questions about my dwindling family - Will update but for now, thank you for letting me write this down.