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Ways to remember them at Christmas

(12 Posts)
LittleTalks Sat 17-Dec-16 22:23:42

We lost my darling dad this week. It's all so raw I can't really comprehend it's actually happening, never mind how we will get through the upcoming funeral and then Christmas (which is also DS first Christmas). However, I'd really like to establish a tradition which will be a way of remembering Dad at this time of year - both for us and to make sure my son will always know who he was.
Does anybody have any nice ideas? I googled it and most of the suggestions are from US websites which seem quite at odds with my Dads modest ways. And he certainly didn't have a "holiday cookie recipe" we could make as some suggested, though this did make me chuckle for the first time today.
I know this kind of thing is very personal but my numb brain would be glad of your inspiration.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery Sat 17-Dec-16 22:58:53

I don't have any good ideas, I'm afraid, but wanted you to know I'm reading and my heart goes out to you. It's so raw for you right now, and such fucking awful timing. Just get through it this time, remember him in whatever way suits you best. I don't do anything 'formal' for my dad but I talk about him so often, and his memory is in so much of my life, he is still here even though he's not.

What did you do with your Dad at Christmas? Did he go to church? Did he dress up as Santa or just eat the mince pie? Did he buy your presents himself or leave it to your Mum? Did he set the Christmas pudding alight? Did you go for a walk on Boxing Day, or visit your auntie, or play with your new toys? Did he help or would he rather read the paper?

I remember mine when I open that inadvisable extra bottle of red wine and take the piss out of Cliff Richard's Christmas songs; when I cook roast potatoes without goose fat because I'm veggie, which he used to grumble sadly about; when I take DD, who never knew him, to drop a card off to his friend, who he never thought would outlive him but who ended up being his biggest support when he was ill; and when I wish and wish and wish he was here even though he did my head in because he was the best sounding board and support I ever had, because he would have LOVED DD and they would have been so funny together, and because he was my Dad and I miss him.

Mner Sat 17-Dec-16 23:04:33

Are there any Xmas decs of your dads that could go on the tree? We kept a load of my dad's decs and I love getting them out with DS now as an excuse to talk about him.

Don't be too hard on yourself this Xmas or expect too much of yourself so early on. DS will not remember a thing and you need to do whatever you can to get through.

Yoarchie Sat 17-Dec-16 23:13:13

You can get personalised Christmas decorations. A clear bauble that you can put a photo in. Every christmS you could get out your decorations and see the bauble with a pic of him
I'm sorry

WiltingTulip Sat 17-Dec-16 23:18:58

My friend and I light a candle each day for our dcs. This can be lovely at Christmas before your main meal.
This year my dm and I will wear my grandma's brooch on Christmas Day.

CherryCokeFairy Sun 18-Dec-16 00:33:30

I lost my granddad last week (funeral is on Thursday) and he was meant to be joining us for Christmas.

I'm planning on setting a place for him still & we are making a rice pudding from a traditional recipe close what what his mum used to make "back in the day", he specifically asked for it with a thick skin, so that's exactly how we will be doing it. I have his photo up next to my dining room table too x

dovesong Sun 18-Dec-16 00:44:40

I'm giving charity donations in the names of my deceased loved ones this Christmas. I find that it helps. I think that you shouldn't be afraid to share memories over dinner, even though it feels bittersweet... Over time it does become easier to smile rather than cry at happy memories. I like the idea of using your dad's Christmas decorations. I have angels on my tree that used to sit on top of my grandads' trees. Maybe you could get your son a Christmas present every year that you think your dad would have liked? Eg a good classic book if he was into reading or a model plane if he liked that sort of thing, or a selection box 'from' him, or you could enjoy some of his favourite food or drink as a family. My mum has a sherry every year in memory of the ones she had with my nan.

Thinking of you and your family, OP. This is a rotten time of year to lose someone.

Mungobungo Sun 18-Dec-16 00:51:09

We don't really have any traditions associated with our lost loved ones, but we do have little photo frame tree decs which hold photos of those we have lost.

Sadly we added my dads pic to the tree his year which just about broke my heart all over again. It's nice to have them there though as it makes me feel that they're still remembered.

I never do Christmas cards but usually send out a Christmas decoration to each of my closest family members. They're usually something associated with a memory of a loved one (certain birds/animal themed), ancouple of yrs ago I bought come clear baubles and decorated them with the lace from my late sister's wedding dress, and this yr it's a photo of dad for everyone to have for their tree if they wish to use it. I just feel like it's something personal and which can be reused every year of the receiver wants to keep it.

We also send a donation and add a message to the tree at the hospice who cared for a relative when she was terminally ill.

There are lots of way in which you can remember someone you've lost and I think the most important thing is that it means something significant to you. You might feel a bit raw right now though to be able to think of something, so don't feel pressured into starting something straight away.

Please don't forget to look after yourself and don't feel pressured into getting everyone together for the 'perfect' Christmas. You may need some space this year, and that's ok. I'm so sorry for you for your loss. It really sucks. Please remember to look after yourself. Xx

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 18-Dec-16 01:27:42

I'm so sorry 💐

Your DS is very small, he won't remember this Christmas at all, just do whatever you have to do to get through it.

Like squeeking I don't do anything as a 'tradition' to remember my Dad at Christmas, I just think about him all the time & talk to him. There are so many things that remind me of him at Christmas time - I find it very hard.

If you want a tradition there have been some good suggestions already. If it was me, I'd buy a really nice Christmas Tree decoration from Grandad for DS every year & write the year on it & Love from Grandad, they'll be nice to unwrap & put on the C.Tree each year then when he's got his own house he can take them all for his C.Tree.

If your Dad had a favourite Chiristmas food or drink you could make that a tradition...I have to have Quality Street at Christmas, no matter how awful they've become! When I was little we had huge extended family Christmasses and one of my vivid memories is the tin going around and the excitement of choosing one, I grew up in the 70's - everything was more of a treat then 😬

Just talk to your DS about Grandad, keep him alive in his mind - my youngest niece never got to meet my Dad, yet she talks about him as if he's as alive as you and me. (And he bloody well should be 😢)

Much love, it's hard

BigFatBollocks Sun 18-Dec-16 09:40:43

I'm sorry for your loss. It's my dads 2yr anniversary next week. We just raise a glass to him at Xmas dinner.

LittleTalks Sun 18-Dec-16 10:43:12

There are some lovely ideas on here. Thank you all for sharing them with me. I'm so sorry for all your losses.

IsThisArwen Sun 18-Dec-16 23:45:38

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

My grandad (who raised me) is a huge miss all year but particularly at Christmas time, he loved Christmas it was his favourite time of year.

Every year I try to get hold of a bottle of ginger wine. He used to make ginger wine every year for Christmas and the smell and taste of it will always remind me of our happy Christmases together.

I also make sure that my best photo of him gets pride of place near my Christmas tree

Christmas will never be the same without him.

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