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How do you get through the funeral?

(9 Posts)
bigbluebus Sat 17-Dec-16 18:47:36

My DD died last week. She was 22 and was born with a life limiting condition but in spite of that her death was unexpected and she was only ill for a couple of days before she died.

Because of her condition she crossed paths with a lot of people. We are a small family but it looks like there might be 150 people at her funeral. We have been inundated with messages of sympathy and each and every one makes me cry. She touched the lives of so many people and many of them will be at the service.

How do I get through the day. I have buried both my Mum and Dad in the last couple of years but much as I loved them both dearly, nothing compares to this.

Any top tips for getting through the service/wake would be greatly appreciated.

wishparry Sat 17-Dec-16 19:02:00

I am so sorry for your loss flowers
I think you should just think of the happy times you shared with your daughter.sorry I'm not much help.x

stealtheatingtunnocks Sat 17-Dec-16 19:07:36

You're burying your daughter. You get to do whatever you need to do at that moment.

If that means you want to speak to your GP for some medication to help, fine. If it means you weep hysterically throughout, fine. If it means you leave without speaking to anyone, fine.

You just do whatever you need to.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope that the funeral and seeing how many people loved her too is some comfort.

JontyDoggle37 Sat 17-Dec-16 19:08:05

Don't feel you have to be strong. Don't feel obligated to anyone to hold it together. This is your daughters life you are celebrating and your daughters loss you are grieving. The most important thing on that day is you live your memories of her and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.flowers

bigbluebus Sat 17-Dec-16 19:09:38

Thanks for replying wish. It's thinking of the happy times that makes us cry. She was totally dependent on us for all her care so she was at the centre of everything that we did as a family. Even cooking meals is difficult now as she was always there as company in the kitchen (she couldn't be left alone).

I think it's the fact that all eyes will be on us. Yes I know I will be expected to cry so I'm not worried about doing that in public but I think I (and DH) will just be complete wrecks. Also not sure how DS is going to react. He is quiet at the best of times and trying to guage how he's feeling at the moment is difficult as he spends most of his time in his room.

stealtheatingtunnocks Sat 17-Dec-16 19:15:31

How old is DS?

littlemissneela Sat 17-Dec-16 19:29:14

I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. Its never easy to lose a loved one, but especially your child, and during this time of year.
I think its best not to think ahead to how you might act during the day. You need to focus on yourself and your son, and not worry about other people. It is a day to be selfish. Your son will need to be able to come and talk to you, but I wouldnt keep asking him if he is ok, as that might make him clam up.
I always find thinking about the happier times makes me cry more. Just have lots of tissues (not loo roll as it disintegrates badly).
I wish you all the best for the day flowers

bigbluebus Sat 17-Dec-16 20:01:43

DS is 20 so he's never known life without his sister. He also has High functioning ASC so emotions don't come easy.

Thanks for the tip about the toilet roll littlemiss. I boght some Kleenex mansize this weekend so will make sure I stock up my bag with those.

I would love to be selfish on the day but quite a few people (close relatives) are travelling a long distance to come so I will want to speak to them. Plus there will be a lot of people I haven't seen for a few years who knew DD in their professional capacity and who may want to catch up with me briefly. I would feel rude if I didn't speak to them - even though I know they'd understand in the circumstances. Close friends I can see anytime so they will have to see to themselves.

At DF & then DM's funerals I felt duty bound to work my way around the room and speak with all the relatives that I only seem to see at funerals now! (We are a very spread out family).

BigFatBollocks Sun 18-Dec-16 09:44:21

I'm really sorry for your loss.

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