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My mum died

(17 Posts)
Sillysausages44 Tue 06-Dec-16 14:54:04

This time last week, life was normal. On Thursday i had a call to say mum was in hospital. On Friday she died. I don't really know how I feel, I haven't cried since Saturday, I feel numb.

I have a 4 year old to look after, Christmas is coming and I just feel completely numb. I know mum would be really pissed if it affects my daughter's Christmas (adored only grandchild) but it just feels like so much effort.

I'm just so confused

puglife1 Tue 06-Dec-16 15:10:33

Ohh I'm so sorry to read this. You need to give yourself time to grieve. flowers

newpup Tue 06-Dec-16 15:13:36

I'm sorry losing a parent is awful. When my DF died i came on here for advice and posters were so kind. The advice was really helpful. Try and be kind to yourself, you have had a massive shock. Just take each day as it comes and concentrate on the small tasks.
You don't have to look as far as Christmas right now, just make it through today.

I am sorry for your loss.

paap1975 Tue 06-Dec-16 15:16:06

I'm so sorry. Only you now how you feel, but there will probably be moments when you are very sad and others when you feel more "normal". I always find the company of kids comforting in such cases as they are a strong reminder that life does and must go on. Try to enjoy Christmas with your 4yo, but if you find yourself feeling sad on Christmas Day or if you want to take a moment away from the celebrations to remember your mum and grieve, then that's absolutely OK too. Don't be too hard on yourself.

ryderandthepups Tue 06-Dec-16 15:22:18

Sorry for your loss, my mum died three years ago, it's really shit isn't it. As previous posters have said, be kind to yourself and take things one day at a time.

lorelairoryemily Tue 06-Dec-16 16:11:02

So sorry for your lossflowers

Sillysausages44 Tue 06-Dec-16 18:58:23

Thanks everyone. This is my first experience of loss as an adult (grandparents died when I was in primary school) so I'm not sure if how I feel is 'normal' or what I'm meant to be doing.

dynevoran Tue 06-Dec-16 19:01:26

I'm so sorry. It will take a while to sink in especially as it was so sudden. Then longer to come to terms with I'm afraid. Just be kind to yourself and take time to yourself when you feel you need to and surround yourself by others when you need that.

Please don't feel you're meant to be doing anything I'm a certain way. I'm really sorry for your loss.

Nicknacky Tue 06-Dec-16 23:57:33

I am so so sorry to hear this. You will feel odd. You are in shock and hopefully for you and your family that will last past Christmas but believe me, that will still be hard.

I think any reaction is "normal". There is no pro forma.

Take care xx

Basicbrown Tue 13-Dec-16 19:02:18

So sorry flowers mine died suddenly in April. I miss her so much and feel so angry that she isn't here to see her gorgeous grandchildren enjoy Christmas. She would have been devastated this time last year if she'd known what would happen. It's so so hard.

Outofoptions Tue 13-Dec-16 19:32:07

I know how you feel OP. flowers it's horrific. I don't know how I'm supposed to be normal everyday and care about the things I used to care about. Everything is completely wrong, this isn't a life I've ever lived before and I don't want this to be how it always is from now on.

Sillysausages44 Tue 13-Dec-16 20:07:23

So sorry to hear that other people are in the same place that I am right now.

I can't get my head around the fact that I'll never see her again. Forever feels like a really long time to never get to talk to my mum again.

justkeepongoing Tue 13-Dec-16 20:15:10

My thoughts are with you sausage my mum died mid September and I'm still in the depths of grief. MNers have been lovely to me. Take care of yourself and what you're feeling is normal. Be kind to yourself and rest when you can flowers xxx

Outofoptions Tue 13-Dec-16 20:18:18

I feel tht too. Sometimes I feel like I have accepted her dying...but I just can't accept I'll never see her again. It feels completely unreal. I read somewhere on here a poster saying they thought of it As being part of someone's 'story', their story has come to an end but you got to be part of it. She explained it much better but it's the only thing I've ever seen that's given me even a small piece of comfort. I don't know why!
I feel quite angry at times, when people discuss their pets dying, or when I read an article about someone who is older than she will ever be by decades I feel it's so unfair! Don't they understand my world has ended!! How can it be over? Just one more day, but that wouldn't be enough. She should have had the chance to see her adored grandchildren's children..
it's so hard I wish I could offer you something more, I'm struggling but my dc keep me going. I hope you can find some comfort xx

HemanOrSheRa Tue 13-Dec-16 20:21:21

I'm so sorry OP. What an awful shock for you. My Mum died two weeks before Christmas in 2002. Honestly, that Christmas was very hard. Like your Mum, mine loved Christmas and would have been extremely cross if we hadn't put some effort in.

My Dad was dying last Christmas, he died just after New Year. I'm powering through for DS. I actually have very little recollection of last Christmas at all. However I can remember the Christmas that my Mum died very clearly. There is no 'normal', just get through the days as best you can. And take care of yourself. That may feel a bit odd as a Mum yourself, but you must.

I just want you to know that there are lots of us who know how you feel. Sending you love and strength, Sillysausages flowers.

Sillysausages44 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:56:51

Thanks everyone. Funeral was this week and was horrendous. It went as planned but it was horrible.

Not feeling even remotely christmassy today and would quite like to hibernate, but need to go and face tesco and do some shopping.

EngTech Sat 17-Dec-16 14:15:45

There is no "template" on how to deal with it.

Whatever you decide to do and you feel it is right, then that is the correct choice, no matter what others say.

All you can do, is do your best for your family and don't "beat" yourself up - Easy to say I know.

Look after yourself and remember the good times you had with your Mum

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