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Feeling an inadequate person.

(8 Posts)
ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 28-Nov-16 18:42:20

All the grief emotions are still flooding through me, I'm hardly functioning as a mom, wife, daughter, or friend at the moment, and the feelings of guilt regarding this are massive, just piling on top of all the other emotions.

People tell me to get kind to myself, take time, and grieve how I need to, and I understand all this, but I'm numb.

I know it gets better, I can see the wisdoms. But I'm achieving nothing.

Not really even sure if I'm asking anything.

1234hello Mon 28-Nov-16 22:10:18

Hugs Chaos. flowers It's okay to not be okay. I'm sorry I don't' know who've you lost but your feelings are the incredibly painful price we pay for having people we love in our lives. Would you like to tell us what happened?

It's easier said than done, but please don't feel guilty. You really do need to be kind to yourself, I'm sure that's what your loved one would want.

BIWI Mon 28-Nov-16 22:12:12

Chaos - you don't need to achieve anything. You just need to get through the day. Put one foot in front of the other.

It's hard.

But you'll get there.

Don't feel guilty and don't expect too much of yourself.

flowers and xxx

Potentialmadcatlady Mon 28-Nov-16 22:28:53

It's so hard...I barely managed to get myself out of bed for first few weeks after I fell apart...I struggled to keep house clean, talk to anyone, even doing the school run was nearly too much for me and the kids ate a lot of takeaway... It's still pants and I still need to take a day at a time, sometimes I'm still at the stage were I need to take an hour at a time BUT in that hour I now manage to keep house clean, to put decent meals Infront of them and occasionally now the kids and ne can even have a laugh together- something I thought I would never do again...
I was told repeatedly to be 'kind to myself'.. It's a hard concept to grasp I think if you are used to putting everyone else first
I have learnt too that's it's ok not to be ok, that it's ok to admit that there are more days when I'm not coping than days than I am...on the days I can cope I try to get stuff done so that I don't have to deal with it on days I don't cope...
Your true friends and family will give you the time you need...the friends that didn't are no longer in my life and that was really hard at first but now in some ways it's a relief- a relief to not worry about 'upsetting' people because I'm sad..
You aren't alone.. I know it feels like it but you aren't... Hugs

ChaosTrulyReigns Thu 01-Dec-16 11:55:32

Thanks all for your words. Be kind to myself echoes around my head, I know it's wise and necessary, just feel hollow and then guilty for doing the takeaway route with the DC and just taking the path of least resistance for everything. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but it's just there, hovering.

Thanks all for hugs and flowers and support. I appreciate greatly.

BIWI Fri 02-Dec-16 01:10:48

Look, Chaos, there are a million and one things you can find in life to feel guilty about.

Feeling sad and overwhelmed and in need of time for yourself to grieve absolutely isn't one of them.

Your DC will not starve. (They'll probably bloody love you for it grin)

You can get back to being an uber perfect mummy when it suits you.

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 02-Dec-16 01:24:32

Chaos (I'm an old friend in a new name) you're such a lovely person, there's no way, even in grief, you could be described as inadequate. ALL you have to do right now is get through the day, 5 minutes at a time. It doesn't matter one bit if the kids live on takeaway or toast, as long as they're not hungry. You need to eat too.

The grief will change and you will come to live alongside it, it doesn't go away, but it gives a little and allows other things some space again.

Just get through a day, an hour, a minute as best you can, that's ALL you have to do right now xx💐

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 02-Dec-16 01:27:56

I'm sorry, I haven't seen any of your posts about who has died, I'm not sure if you've said elsewhere or not. Do you want to talk about what's happened? We are here if you do.

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