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Gift/Book Recommendations for Shock Bereavement

(4 Posts)
CrystalHCarrington Fri 18-Nov-16 16:24:54

A friend has been recently bereaved. Her life partner died suddenly and without warning. They were together for 40 years.

I wanted to get her a couple of gifts for Christmas that would help her - I was thinking maybe a book about coping with a sudden bereavement and maybe also something for her that would distract her from her grief even momentarily - but I don't want it to be trite or stupid and am struggling for a gift that would be both welcome and sensitive.

Please does anyone have any recommendations or suggestions - particularly for books that are helpful?

willstarttomorrow Sat 19-Nov-16 23:55:31

I lost my DH very suddenly almot 2 years ago and the thing that helped (still helps) are friends who have just been there. TBH I was still in shock the first xmas and although I would have recognised the kindness behind a gift you describe it is not something I was (or am) ready for. For me just a commitment of time so I could rant, weep or be distracted meant so much. I suggest you gently insist that you and your friend agree to a time to go for a meal/shopping/get drunk together and then commit to repeat for the long haul.

Having someone to laugh/cry/remember with is so important. Every one thinks life moves on however the loss of your life partner means life is suddenly not the life you choose and there is nothing you can do about it. A funny text in the morning when your house feels all wrong and you have woken up again to this new reality can be a life saver.

You sound like a lovely friend. It is amazing how many people disappear, as if it is catching.

CrystalHCarrington Sun 20-Nov-16 12:42:44

Thank you for replying Willstartomorrow.
I'm sad that I have had so few replies.

What you have said is really helpful.

Regarding the "disappearing" I suspect it's because people think that that a bereaved person would probably prefer time to grieve alone and not be pestered or have to put on a brave face.

Mungobungo Sun 20-Nov-16 12:50:12

Isn't suggest avoiding a book about grief, but perhaps give a gift of sentimental value - something which is for her, but will give a reminder of the deceased person. For example, a friend gave me a gift of a flower which was a favourite of my lost loved one, which was lovely.

Ultimately, the best thing that you could give is your time and a listening ear. Don't be afraid to talk about the deceased person. Having someone to talk to and help to keep the deceased'a memory alive will be helpful and received very gratefully I think.

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