I'm not sure I'm posting this in the right place. Looking for some perspective or maybe a good shake. My husband died 5 months ago today. Our son was born a week after he died and I've been struggling to maintain relationships with my husbands friends, who are obviously also grieving and want to see our son. After our son was born I was a bit of a mess, sleeping a lot and generally just not at all together. My H had bought us a new house a couple of weeks before he died and our old house he left to his best friend (bf1) who had been living with us for a while ( which I know sounds very weird but was a normal thing for him to have done when viewed as part of a bigger picture) I stayed at our old house for a month after our son was born and my H's two best friends basically looked after our son during that time. They did a great job and one of them is a trustee for our son (bf2) for the money my husband left for him. They have always been my husbands friends first and mine by extension, at times we have all butted heads when it came to looking after my husband who was at very ill for periods of time before he died. Since I have moved, about two hours drive from the original house, I've really struggled to maintain the relationship with h's BF's. I know they loved my H and I know they love our son and want to be near him but having them around reminds me of the man who should be around and who isn't and I feel like without my H there there's no buffer or filter between his friends and I. My husband was the common element and without him there I don't really know how to interact with his friends. BF1 tried a lot at the start to visit and see the baby but I wasn't really all that receptive, I had also met an ex who goes to the same church for a coffee and a chat which upset a lot of people. I had been avoiding chatting with any of his friends for a good few weeks and BF1 arrived unannounced yesterday to see the little one which I hated. I can't really explain my reluctance to have people around and don't know if this is a normal sort of response. I know my H would want them involved in his sons upbringing i just can't seem to let them be involved and feel like they will be judging everything I do. Do I just need to get a grip?
Bereavement
5 months is a very short time, in terms of loss and grief. I imagine you are still feeling very raw and vulnerable.
Don't worry too much about others and focus on your own feelings and your son. Do what feels right for you, rather than trying to do 'the right thing'.
I'm sorry for your loss 
this must be so hard. Are you seeing a doctor? Do you think the anxiety about them leaving and withdrawing from everyone is linked to depression, or do you feel as okay as you think you can in the circumstances?
Is anyone visiting you? Wanting to be left alone is okay for the short term but you'll need company and support sooner or later. Are your family visiting?
I'm widowed too. One of the most surprising things I've found is how many people have an opinion on how a widow should behave. It's hard. And dealing with their expectations as well as one's grief (and for you, a baby) is almost impossible. So although it isn't easy, it will be best for you and your child if you set some boundaries. I did a lot of 'smile and nod and discount the advice/lecture you're giving me while letting you think I'm considering it' because it's easier than confrontation of telling them to fuck off for telling you who you can or cannot have coffee with.
Just because your husband died doesn't mean his friends are in loco parentis. Trustee does not trump mother. You're in charge of your life and your baby's and that is really important after the lack of control you had with your DH's illness and death.
I find it hard to understand the money stuff - so one of his friends inherited a house from him and will leave that money in turn to his own children presumably? It has bypassed you and your son? Whatever the details of it all, it sounds like you and your DH had rather an unusual financial set up for this day and age, and this may feed into his friends thinking that you are not capable of living your life/raising your son without their involvement.
If I were you I would give yourself some space by getting someone else to say to them that you're struggling with being social at the moment and please not to turn up unannounced. You could also use your son's sleep routine as an excuse.
If you want to you could set up times for them to see your son - at a soft play centre or other neutral venue (not your home) every month or so.
When you feel ready you should see a decent grief counsellor.
Also, please, if you're in the U.K., join Way If you're in another country then see if there is something similar for young widow/ers.
Love, they died, we didn't. The pain is agonising and I can't promise it gets better because it hasn't for me (almost 2 years on). But it does compress, somehow, so there is more space for other emotions alongside the grief, and it is possible to be happy and sad all the the same time. I am now. Many days the happiness even eclipses the sadness.
Look after yourself and your child first.
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