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How do you get through the first Christmas?

(14 Posts)
endofthelinefinally Sun 06-Nov-16 12:38:05

Just that really.
I think DH, DS2 and DD and I have agreed that we will just go away somewhere and try to pretend it is just another day.

My family are sad that we won't join them though.

I will miss them - we usually all see each other (plus nephews, nieces, and their children), but I don't know how I'm going to cope with the empty chair.

Then it is DS1's birthday straight after Christmas and I am dreading it.

How do others get through that first year?

Charlie97 Sun 06-Nov-16 16:49:10

You cope however you can, you just do what you want. Let yourself grieve, let yourself cry, let yourself do what feels right.

I'm really sorry, what was your sons name? If you want to tell me?

Hold those closest to you tight this Christmas.



Leapling Sun 06-Nov-16 23:31:42

I don't think I am help much as I'm in the same position. It would've been DDs first Christmas and she would've been 1 in February so birthday to face too (although she only gets a real birthday every 4 years so feel deprived of that too).

I'd bought her a dress to wear already and we were due to go to my sisters.

We are going away in December with DS to give him something to be excited about as there's not a lot to be excited about in our home right now. Is going away an option? Would it be better to be somewhere different so you don't have the memories or feel better at home where you do have happy memories?

I think you're right to keep it to your immediate family. It's still such early days for you and I know I couldn't face a big celebration. But then if your wider family are understanding it might be nice to be together - more distractions.

We will definitely find a way to acknowledge DD and think or her all day but will try our best to give DS the day he deserves. I remember your children are older so there is less pressure to keep a brave face - you can all support each other and be upset if you need to be. Does it help to think of what he would've wanted you to do?

I'm not a lot of help, I know. But I understand how awful it feels facing what should be a happy time of year and not being happy at all. Remember, we've got this far and it is just another day we can get through x

echt Mon 07-Nov-16 07:32:30

My DB had arranged to come over from the UK before DH died four months ago. We'll go ahead as per though, knowing my dear dead DH, he'd have planned a shitload of stuff to do,sadsmile and I've got as far as a list.

Christmas dinner will be as it always has been, and because we like it as well, being what DH would have made: a ham, oysters, prawns, potato salad and an Aussie recipe Christmas pudding ( DH made two last year and we still have one).

Sorting through stuff, I found a bottle of posh champagne from the year we came to Australia, so we'll drink that: 10years!

For the posters above, your situation is so very different. sad thanks

LittleCandle Mon 07-Nov-16 07:45:30

When DM died, we just did what we had always done and tried to make it a nice day for the DC. It felt hellish to me, though. This year, we are facing another first Christmas and we are going to change everything. We are celebrating at home, but meeting friends for a walk with the dogs at one point while the turkey is cooking. We're just going to do what we feel like, as this is the first Christmas that we haven't had any parents to consider or a care home/hospital to visit.

Do what feels right for you. flowers

endofthelinefinally Wed 09-Nov-16 19:20:52

I know my family want to help. They want to look after us.
But DS2 is leaving to go travelling on Monday.
We will meet up with him in SE Asia and find somewhere quiet and pretend Christmas and New Year aren't happening.
I miss DS1 so much.
He loved Christmas and New Year.

YorkieDorkie Wed 09-Nov-16 19:40:10

So sorry OP, this is such a devastating time if year for some families.

I keep thinking about the people who died when that bin lorry hit them last Christmas. Was it in Glasgow? This will be their first anniversary. sad

123rd Wed 09-Nov-16 19:53:35

Really sorry End. When my dsis died( just after Xmas) coming up to the first Xmas afterwards I felt physically sick. The fact that things will not be the same. The fact that the first anniversary of her tragic death was just days after.
Please don't try and please others. You need to think about yourself and your very immediate family. You will get thru it. It will be shit. My heart goes out to you and your family

sherbetpips Thu 10-Nov-16 11:46:59

We are taking mum to my sister in laws, different house, different people, no empty chair. It's going to be something to get through I guess.

sherbetpips Thu 10-Nov-16 11:47:25

We are taking mum to my sister in laws, different house, different people, no empty chair. It's going to be something to get through I guess.

SparkleFlutterShy Thu 10-Nov-16 21:31:05

First Christmas with out my DBrother and DD's first Christmas. I will try not to make it miserable for DD.

FlounderingDaily Thu 10-Nov-16 21:51:32

This was us last year (my brother was a similar age to your son). We had a very quiet low key Christmas and were glad when it was over. We went low key with presents too. Alcohol did feature. We're collectively doing a little bit better this year although it's still hard. I have small children so we'll keep celebrating Christmas for them if nothing else.

toriap2 Sun 13-Nov-16 08:02:20

Although my husband died at the beginning of December last year, this will be the first real christmas to get through. Last year was such a blur I dont remember it. DD wants to just stay at home as she doesnt want to face people. I have told her we will do whatever she wants. I cant face going to town or buying presents or even talking about it.

hidingwithwine Sun 13-Nov-16 18:47:06

For us it was my youngest who got us all through it. He was 7, still believes in Santa, and we all focussed on that. Mum came down in the morning, then went home for a wee while (just around the corner). She came back down for lunch and stayed until about 7 then went home. She wanted to be on her own all day, my brother and I wanted her with us, and so did my dc, so it was a great compromise. I did still nip up to dads grave to rant and yell at one point and can see me doing that for a few years to come. It's just another day to get through I'm afraid xx

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