Nightmares about mum(5 Posts)
I had a nightmare the day my mum died. She picked me and my brother up in a car and convinced me to leave Dd behind and go with her. I could see 2 yo Dd stood at the side of the road in the dark as we drove away. I kept asking my mum to stop but she wouldn't but I eventually jumped out of the car and got back to Dd and then the car drove off.
Last night I had an even more awful one. My mum came back alive but she was not her, she was really evil looking and nasty to me. She was horrible to me telling me she wanted to see Dd and that she was going to take her away from me. No one would listen to me when I kept saying she was dead and shouldn't be back alive. As the dream went on she got more and more nasty and kept shouting on my face and she also got skinnier and skinnier eventually looking like a skeleton.
It was awful and it has really upset me. I have felt anxious and worried about it all day. It sounds so silly but I feel like she hates me and is upset at how I am grieving because I am coping fairly well at the moment. I think it's because everyone keeps telling me I am grieving wrong (because I'm not crying) and I feel so guilty for it.
I know dreams are common about lost loved ones and usually don't mean anything but are nightmares common also?
I'm sorry for your loss. Your mind does awful and weird things to you in grief. That you just can't explain.
People are way way way way x 1 million out of line. Saying you're grieving wrong. The only rule with grief is that there is no right or wrong.
Those dreams sound really really upsetting. I'm not surprised they are 'staying' with you after you wake up.
What was your relationship like with your mother when she was alive?
Do you think you would benefit from some bereavement counselling?
I'm sorry for your loss and how it's affecting you. There is no wrong or right way to grieve. Those who say there is a difference are quite quite wrong.
What awful nightmares OP
I agree that each person's grieving process is different, and very intermittent. You might cry a lot in a year's time, or you might not. Whichever way is fine, you have nothing to feel guilty for. It's no-one else's business.
my dear Mum died 6 years ago, and I still have dreams almost every week very similar to what you have said - it's always that's she's come back to some sort of semi life, most of the time I'm devastated because i know she will die again soon, other times she is horrible to me and those dreams are the worst but from friends experiences they seem quite common?
I didn't cry at her funeral , I rarely cry now but it comes at random times - not like birthdays but generally when i remember happy times, or visit somewhere special we had together.
My mum died when I was 23, unfortunately due to her lifestyle, smoking, drinking too much etc, and it was the drinking that used to upset me the most, sometimes in the dreams she is drunk and I feel like she hates me even though i know she loved me unconditionally.
I've just got used to the dreams now and i know that it's just my brain processing unanswerable questions, things I wish I could say to her, things I wish I'd done.
It may help you to speak to somebody. xx
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