Mum's funeral tomorrow

(10 Posts)
ElectricMelon Thu 27-Oct-16 18:54:21

We had to wait 3 weeks to finally be able to lay her to rest and tomorrow is the day. I am so nervous and feel sick and I really don't want to go.

Not only do I not want to say goodbye but I can't arsed with everyone talking to me/feeling sorry for me/looking at me. I'm not a hugger and I really struggle to cry or be sad in front of others and I am panicking at everyone trying to touch me to comfort me or coming up to me and saying sorry etc. I don't want any of it.

I am panicking and have already had a panic attack and I'm worried I will have one during the service. I struggle in social situation and feel like all eyes will be on me, my dad and brother.

I just want to get it over with sad

FrancisCrawford Thu 27-Oct-16 18:58:36

I am thinking of you.

The waiting period is so hard.

Nobody can dictate how you should feel. You don't have to stand in the line up after if you don't want to, but you might find it a comfort.

Fwiw I thought I would be okay at my dms funeral this summer. I wept more than I've cried in years. So just take it as it comes, say goodbye to your mum in whatever way you want to. Do you have a friend or pRtner who can "look after" you? My dear friend sat and held my hand all through mums service. I did t realise how much I needed that human touch

Pancakeflipper Thu 27-Oct-16 19:05:36

It will ok - just put to one side your worries about others comforting you etc.. just focus on your mum and your family.

You don't need to hug anyone.

Everyone will be there by the time you arrive for the service and at the end you don't have to stand in line to shake people's hands.

You will be at the front of the church/crem so you won't see them behind you.

If having a wake then find a lovely friend, a quiet corner and sit there hidden away having a chat to your friend.

My family and I found it useful to thinking by X-o'clock the funeral will be over... We broke it done into bits like:
Funeral cars arrive - right done that and survived now:
Journey to church - done that and survived
Waiting to go into church - done that and survived
Service - it's 30mins long - survived it
Said hellos to the people attending after service - did it !!!
Sat down and had a glass of wine with a lovely friend and hid until felt able to socialise

It's utterly horrible but I hope you find some bitter sweet moments tomorrow. Don't think about the others - it is not about them. It's about you and your mum.

Be thinking of you.

user1471453601 Thu 27-Oct-16 19:10:02

Sorry you feel like this, and sorry to say that , yes most eyes will be on the three of you.

I'm a bit like you, I don't like being the centre of attention. But I wasn't, my dead mum was. I put all my energy into my thoughts of my mum. When people hugged me, I thought how my mum would feel those hugs (cos they are really wanting to hug your mum y o it mum yoh know).

Deep breaths and just go through it. It was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do.

But I know,if mum had been around, she would have been proud of us.

Go, and make her proud. Good luck, the hardest thing you will ever do is bury your mother

LuckyBitches Fri 28-Oct-16 13:29:16

My experience is that funerals are never as bad as I expect, and they seem to fly by. I'd like to excho what others have said - just take it as it comes, and don't worry about other people. IMO you are allowed to be 'selfish' at your mother's funeral!
flowersflowersflowersflowersflowersflowers

Greydiddi Fri 28-Oct-16 21:44:25

Have been thinking of you Electric and hope you got through the day ok flowers.

echt Sat 29-Oct-16 00:52:18

I hope it all went well, Electric thanks

saffynool Sat 29-Oct-16 15:00:29

Hope it went well flowers My mum's funeral was on Tuesday and like you I felt really panicky at the thought. I was desperate to get it over with, absolutely dreading it.

The service was lovely though and, although I cried a lot during it, I was able to do a reading as well. It went by in a flash and suddenly it was all over. The wake part was even vaguely enjoyable in an odd way.

I think adrenaline carries you through. The flip side of that though is that the 'comedown' for a couple of days afterwards can be quite tough, so be really really kind to yourself.

ElectricMelon Tue 01-Nov-16 15:26:54

Thank you all

It went as okay, much better than I imagined. I cried the whole way to the crem and through the service and hugged a lot of people but it wasn't as awful as I expected.

My best friend and Auntie said they saw the relief on my face as soon as it ended and I looked like a weight had been lifted off me and I felt it too.

Greydiddi thank you. How are you feeling?

saffynool very sorry for your loss flowers

Greydiddi Tue 01-Nov-16 22:22:02

Hi Electric

I'm glad it was better than you expected and really hope you got some comfort from all the people.

I'm feeling a bit strange post funeral, and wonder if my dad's death is slowly sinking in. Waves of sadness but still not 'properly grieving' as other seems to expect. Also saw your other thread and wanted to mention I have also been having nightmares, some about dad, some more general. Maybe it is a way of processing the grief? Perhaps particularly when you have DC so it is hard to find peace/space in the day to reflect (well that's what I find anyway smile). I hope they aren't disturbing you too much though.

Take care of yourself

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