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Alone without him on our wedding anniversary

(16 Posts)
cecinestpasunepipe Sun 23-Oct-16 01:38:43

DH died in February after a long illness. I have felt mainly numb since then, but everyone keeps saying I'm doing splendidly. Only I know I'm not. Just like when I was caring for him, everyone said what a great job I was doing. Only I wasn't. Today would have been our twenty-sixth anniversary. We spent our twenty-fifth together in hospital. I am surrounded by family, but am feeling so alone.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 23-Oct-16 01:45:27

Sending you flowers

Maybe sharing how you feel with someone might help in rl?

talesofthevillage Sun 23-Oct-16 01:48:03

I'm so sorry. Please open up to someone.

something2say Mon 24-Oct-16 19:27:58

I am so sorry xxxx how are you feeling today?

Ilovenannyplum Mon 24-Oct-16 19:32:18

flowersflowersflowers for you OP x

LuckyBitches Tue 25-Oct-16 15:36:27

flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers

You're still standing, so you are doing a great job.

ILoveAutumnLeaves Tue 25-Oct-16 16:04:34

I'm so sorry 💐

People kept saying how strong I was & how well I was coping after my Dad died. I really think it has contributed to me still feeling this raw after several years (not grieving properly as i did what was expected of me and was 'strong'.

I think a wedding anniversary is quite a lonely experience anyway though as you two were the ones that got married. No matter who else was at the wedding or is there with you now, it was your day together & I don't think you really can feel 'less lonely' on those days despite how well you are otherwise coping or are supported.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

pinktransit Tue 25-Oct-16 16:07:08

I'm so sorry. I wish I had words to make it better. flowers

cecinestpasunepipe Tue 25-Oct-16 22:13:57

Thank you all for your replies. I somehow got through the day, and am feeling more positive. I would just like my grief acknowledged by friends and family. It is as if they are forbidding me to show it in case it makes them uncomfortable, when they say how well I am doing. I have one particular friend who keeps saying I might be lucky and "pull" a sexy rich man!!! Her crass insensitivity makes me so ANGRY. I don't think she has ever had a proper loving relationship, and my DH couldn't stand her, I can understand why!

talesofthevillage Tue 25-Oct-16 23:18:14

flowers

Ignore that insensitive friend give her a withering look Unfortunately people are forever saying ridiculous things that show no awareness.

flopsypopsymopsy Tue 25-Oct-16 23:32:01

sad flowers

TallulahBetty Tue 25-Oct-16 23:33:21

So sorry OP. The 'firsts' are very hard, aren't they? flowers brew

Mistletoekids Tue 25-Oct-16 23:37:27

You can do it OP

It's fucking shit and sadly nothing we say can bring him back but maybe you can offload a bit on here? Or perhaps try grievance counselling or similar? Sounds like you've been putting on a front for a while and need some proper support

flowers

echt Wed 26-Oct-16 06:50:41

Sorry for your loss. thanks

And the spectacularly insensitive friend. shock

It's all horrid, isn't it? The first roll round. DH and my 23rd wedding anniversary was two days after his memorial thrash, about nine weeks ago and I didn't feel much, but have been very down for the last few days. A lovely letter from a recipient of one of his kidneys set me off, bizarrely.

I don't know if everyone thinks I'm doing so well, but they've certainly stopped asking. On the other hand the person who's says, every time they see me, "One a day at a time!" I could throttle.

What an ingrate I am.

cecinestpasunepipe Wed 26-Oct-16 07:55:27

So sorry for your loss, echt. How amazing that your DH was able to donate organs.
I have arranged to go away for new year as could not face it without DH. I am hoping Christmas won't be too bad as I will be spending it with DDs and GCs.
Yy to " one day at a time". Another one is "it's all part of the grieving process", from people who have never lost anyone. I don't want to be part of a " process", thank you very much.

Musicaltheatremum Sat 29-Oct-16 21:09:10

So sorry OP. my husband died 100 days before our silver wedding. It was very hard. A friend, while he was ill, had bought me a spa day and I did this. I then took some close friends out to dinner as a thank you to them.
It's not fair. My mum and dad had celebrated their 50th the year before.
I'm 4.5 years on. You learn to "live beside it" I've had people asking if I'll get married again or if I've met someone. I still don't want to although I'm venturing off on my own. I'm off to Thailand next weekend on a solos holiday. I have fantastic kids which does help a lot although they are both away from home. Take care. It's really a roller coaster of a life ahead. flowers

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