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Flying visit abroad to say goodbye to dying Gran, what would you say/ do?

(13 Posts)
SkaterGrrrrl Wed 19-Oct-16 20:26:47

My wonderful gran, who lives in the other side of the world, is dying of cancer. I am going to fly over alone literally for a weekend to say goodbye. I wish I could go for longer but I have 2 very small DCs, a job and many commitments. I will have 3 days with her and this will be the last time I see her. What should I say or do? Any advice appreciated.

SkaterGrrrrl Wed 19-Oct-16 20:29:06

Just to add that although she is very old, she is mentally absolutely sharp as a tack so we can have meaningful conversations. She is hugely special to me as my DM had mental health problems when I was a child and Gran was the stable, constant presence in my life.

I suppose what I want to know is how can I best use this opportunity. Tell her what she means to me? Express my regret that she has never met DC2? Take her gifts that might improve her time in hospice?

BendyBusBuggy Wed 19-Oct-16 20:29:23

I think you'll know when you are there. Depends on her as much as you

Good luck

BendyBusBuggy Wed 19-Oct-16 20:31:00

No need to say those things i think, unless they come up naturally- i think she knows.

swooosh Wed 19-Oct-16 20:31:07

Is she able to see pictures? Take some of your DC and tell her little stories. Ask stories about herself and your mum/dad/her child when they were younger.

Your being there is more than enough.

SkaterGrrrrl Wed 19-Oct-16 20:34:49

Thank you swoosh and Bendy. She can see but is getting deaf so phone calls are tricky.

Helenluvsrob Wed 19-Oct-16 20:36:06

Tell her what you've told us. Make a book and write it too and she can keep it with her. Take photos from home and take photos with her. The last photo I have of my mum with the kids is very special -where she's on a drip and looks frail but still has a spark of her left ( she had just heard dd1 had her PhD place and was still mentally ok enough to be proud of that ).

Drink champagne / fine whisky what ever her tipple is , eat chic laugh and cry.

Concentrate on happiness , memories and smiles. Plenty of time for tears later.

ImperialBlether Wed 19-Oct-16 20:43:58

In my experience people who are very old are usually accepting that they'll die soon. They're usually very tired by that point and see death as an escape from that. I hope you enjoy your last days with her - I know that sounds odd but I'm sure you'll feel closer than ever to her.


evelynj Wed 19-Oct-16 20:46:15

Play her favourite music, introduce her to some new music, share memories, ask her questions & advice for the little ones. Maybe even take some questions from them so you can note her response & report it back.

It's a very personal thing & everyone's different but start by asking her if there's anything she'd like to do. Sorry you're going through this & hope you enjoy your time together

mylaptopismylapdog Wed 19-Oct-16 20:52:50

Your Gran sounds wise enough to know why you are there. If she intervened and cared for you and her daughter in that way, she did it so you could be where you are today.Tell her about your children and how the way you treat them has been affected by her influence and how you see your family in them. Remind her of happy times you have shared. Try not to judge yourself, whatever happens, we all deal with these situations differently, they are difficult. Take a lot of pictures of your children.

mylaptopismylapdog Wed 19-Oct-16 20:59:43

Agree ask her if there is anything she wants to eat or drink and supply it. At my lovely elderly neighbour's funeral her daughter told of her Mum drinking whisky laced tea whilst listening to passages from the bible which seemed to suit her serious side and sense of fun perfectly!

GrendelsAunty Wed 19-Oct-16 21:01:27

Let her watch a video clip of the DC playing?

SkaterGrrrrl Thu 20-Oct-16 09:14:57

Wise and wonderful advice, I appreciate your responses.

Love the idea of music, I might get a battery operated CD Walkman from Argos and burn her CDs of songs from her day.

Could take her a photo book and drawings from the children, maybe write her a little poem. She religiously has a drink at 6pm ( I'm sure this helped her make it to her nineties!) so I'll get a bottle if something good in duty free.

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