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My mum died this morning

(26 Posts)
saffynool Mon 10-Oct-16 20:58:21

I was on my way to work when my brother called. She is usually up hours before everyone else in the house; when she didn't come down my dad went up to check on her and found her dead on the floor by the bed. She'd died in the night, probably a heart attack but not sure yet.

I sat with her while we waited for the coroner's people (sorry don't know what they're called). She was so cold. I can't get the image of her out of my head, and at the same time I don't want to. I don't want to remember her like that but I couldn't bear the idea of her all on her own upstairs.

She had long-term mental health problems and had been so ill and so unhappy with this world for so long. I knew this day was coming sooner or later but even so I can't believe she's actually gone. My poor mum. I hope she knows we loved her so much even when it was all really hard. I can't believe this ever feels ok.

Flamingoteaparty Mon 10-Oct-16 20:59:45

I have no words. Hugs. X

LaCerbiatta Mon 10-Oct-16 21:01:40

I'm so sorry sad

toriap2 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:01:45

Oh lovely. I am so so sorry for your loss. It must have been a huge shock. I am sure she knew how much you all loved her and loved you beck just as much. I dont have any wise words but am sending big hugs and you will all be in my prayers tonight xx

Lorelei76 Mon 10-Oct-16 21:02:12

Hugs to you saffy
I'm sure she'd be glad that you sat with her if that makes sense, I can't imagine what it was like for you, but it sounds like it was right for both of you
I'm so sorry xx

tribpot Mon 10-Oct-16 21:03:14

What a terrible shock for you all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think your wish not to leave her on her own is very natural and loving - in time I'm sure you will be able to put these distressing memories into place alongside happier ones but it's understandable that they will dominate your thoughts for a while.

Do you have anyone to look after you tonight? If not there will be MNers here to keep you company.

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-16 21:04:06

I'm so sorry. I lost my dad this year and know only too well what a shock it is. I'm really glad you could sit with her for a while afterwards.

flowers

Imnotaslimjim Mon 10-Oct-16 21:06:35

I'm so sorry for you loss. I'm glad you got to sit with her, you'll cherish that time in the weeks to come.

Be kind to yourself, don't expect anything of yourself other than to get through the next minute. flowers

thestarryeyedsurprise Mon 10-Oct-16 21:09:56

Sending you my love OP flowers

Nicknacky Mon 10-Oct-16 23:20:16

I am so sorry to read this and I wish I could say something to make you feel better but that's impossible. My own mum died this morning too after a year long illness and I'm also having the same thoughts about love. She will have known you all loved her.

Rainbowqueeen Mon 10-Oct-16 23:21:57

flowers I am so sorry.

My heart goes out to you and your family

sandgrown Mon 10-Oct-16 23:25:44

Thinking of you Saffy and Nicky. I know how hard it is to.lose your mum. I am sure they will know you loved them. Look after yourselves flowers

noshit Mon 10-Oct-16 23:27:07

Sorry for your loss I lost my mum last Christmas. Difficult times.flowers Thinking of you; wishing you strength.

stayathomegardener Mon 10-Oct-16 23:28:12

flowers thinking about you and your Mum

Helpisathand13 Mon 10-Oct-16 23:31:22

I am so sorry saffynool. I really do feel for you and your family. Sending you all love and the courage to get through this together. X

saffynool Tue 11-Oct-16 06:59:14

Thanks everyone, it does help to get it out and talk about it. I didn't come back to the thread because I was so exhausted I tried to sleep, got a few hours thank goodness.

Nicky, I'm so sorry. I hope you got some sleep last night. Love to you and your family flowers

I'm very close to my dad and my brother so will be seeing them again today. Dp is trying hard and I know he wants to be supportive. However less than a week ago he said some really unpleasant things about my parents while we were having a row, and it's hard to get them out of my head. I'm trying to not show it or be angry with him, but actually I just want to be with the people that cared about her and he isn't one of them.

tribpot Tue 11-Oct-16 07:17:06

I would try not to bottle up your feelings about your DH's comments, as they are liable to cause a blow-up which will be worse. Not to mention now isn't really the time for you to be putting other people's feelings ahead of your own.

I assume your DP has apologised for what he said but I would let him know you're not able to get the words out of your head right now whilst you're in shock.

echt Tue 11-Oct-16 07:35:15

Hugs and flowers to Saffy and Nicknacky.

bigbuttons Tue 11-Oct-16 07:36:52

I'm so sorry. xxxx

saffynool Tue 11-Oct-16 07:50:00

Dp has just arrived back home from work - he was supposed to go in today but turned around and came home because he said he wanted to be with me. I know I should be grateful but I just wanted to scream at him, give me some bloody space! I want time on my own to process it, to be with my dad and with ds, not thinking about how dp is feeling about having to be around my family who he doesn't like. I know that makes me an ungrateful cow but ffs, one day, just one bloody day where it's not about dp and his feelings would be good. How on earth can I grieve in front of someone who didn't even like her? FFS I sat and held her hand yesterday as she lay on the floor, turning greyer and colder, and less than 24 hours later it's all about him.

saffynool Tue 11-Oct-16 07:52:44

He's now just come upstairs asking if I want anything. I know he's trying to be kind but I just want to be left alone. And now his feelings are all hurt. I don't care, I don't fucking care, just go away.

justkeepongoing Tue 11-Oct-16 12:06:23

So sorry for your loss saffy flowers x

Lorelei76 Tue 11-Oct-16 15:58:36

Saffy one of my mates moved out from her marital home for a couple of weeks after her mum died, she had a friend who was abroad so she could stay in their flat.
Her DH was hurt at the time but she said she needed silence to process and I can understand that.

saffynool Tue 11-Oct-16 16:12:59

The coroner has just called my brother. They did the post-mortem today. She died from sepsis, brought on by acute faecal peritonitis from a perforated bowel. We didn't even know there was anything wrong, she would never say. She must have been in such pain. I don't know how to process this. My mum, I'm so sorry, mum.

Lorelei76 Tue 11-Oct-16 18:11:18

Was she in pain though? Friends dad recently died of cancer that they didn't know he had, he wasn't in pain. would your mum have said something if she had pain?

I know there's nothing I can say to stop the pain but as long as you find it helpful to keep a thread running, I'll keep it on watch xxx

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