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I don't know how I am going to cope without my mum.

(11 Posts)
ElectricMelon Sun 09-Oct-16 16:12:07

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post.

I hav posted previously about my mum being on life support. They have said her heart, liver, kidneys are not functioning and the machine is basically keeping her body alive. She is very very unlikely to survive once she is taken off the machines and if by the smallest chance she does that she will be severely brain damaged.

She has epilepsy which over the years had caused numerous injuries and she was on so much medication for it all. She spent most days in bed and unable to get up. She fell all the time and hurt herself but refused to go to the doctors with it. When they started her hear back up and put her on a life support machine they took her for a full body scan which showed a fracture in her skull but it was an old fracture and it had been causing all the falls and dizzy spells and headaches. Now we know about it, it explains everything that she was going through in the past few months.

My poor mum. She is my best friend and such a lovely woman and despite all her troubles and poor health she was always happy and having a joke. She always listened to my mundane problems and I phoned her every single day for a chat. We are so close and she is the first person I call about anything.

If I saw something on TV I would ring her or if Dd did or said something funny I would ring her. Silly little stuff like that and now I will never be able to that.

She had me crying with laughter every Friday when I went up with Dd for tea. She was so funny and dry and had everyone in stitches wherever we went. When I was a teenager everyone used to say how ace my mum was and how they wished their mum was like her. I obviously didn't appreciate her at the time but I certainly did once I had Dd and we became even closer.

I spoke to her twenty minutes before she fell down the stairs and she was excited to see Dd after my dad had taken us shopping. Then my dad pulled up outside and looked drip white and said mum had fallen and he needed to go back home. It happened a lot so I didn't think too much of it. Half an hour past, then an hour and I realised something was wrong. Then my mum rang me and I was so relieved except it was their next door neighbour ringing me from my mum's phone to tell me she was in a bad way and that she was coming to get Dd and take me to hospital.

I saw her in the hospital bed with all the tubes and the machines and couldn't bear to look at her. I can't go back and see her that way so I am sat alone trying to keep busy. Every so often I break down. Family keep ringing me and offering to come over or take me to see her but I can't. I know she is gone and they are just keeping her body alive and I can't remember her that way. I just can't.

What am I going to do without my mum? We were all looking forward to Christmas and Dd's 3rd birthday and I had booked for me, Dd and my mum to go on holiday next year. Just the three of us on a girl's holiday and now I don't even know if I can go with just me and Dd.

I am going to go to work tomorrow and try to carry on as normal and I can't afford time off anyway and want to save the time for when she goes. I just feel so useless and she is all alone in a hospital surrounded by strangers who don't give a shit about her, she's just another patient to them.

My dad is hoping that she wakes up just enough for him to say goodbye but the doctors have said she won't really be aware of him but he is clinging onto the hope that he will get to see her awake on last time and it's heartbreaking.

Dd keeps telling me 'it's okay mummy, don't cry' and being so sweet but she is only 2 and doesn't understand and I feel awful being so upset in front of her but I can't help it.

Sorry for waffling. I doubt many people will read this but I needed to write something somewhere.

ayeokthen Sun 09-Oct-16 16:15:37

I didn't want to read and run, I am so very sorry this is happening. I wish I had the words to comfort you, but I know there are none. I'm so sorry. flowers

user1473454752 Sun 09-Oct-16 16:17:52

You will get through it and I am so sorry, I lost my mum last year and its comming up to the anniversary of her death, you get on with it for your kids, theres nothing else you can do, I know its heartbreaking it truly is, but stay strong xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ElectricMelon Sun 09-Oct-16 16:31:29

Thank you ayeokthen

Thank you user1473454752. It's just so hard and I know it is only going to get worse sad

Veggiesupremeextracheese Sun 09-Oct-16 16:34:27

I'm so sorry, it's just not fair, life can be so cruel sometimes sad

Chimchar Sun 09-Oct-16 16:49:40

My mum died suddenly 7 years ago.
I had a great relationship with her, much like you do with your mum.

You just have to take things moment by moment. It's ok to laugh. It's ok to cry. Eventually, the sadness lessens and you will remember your mum fondly, and not just pain. You will get through it because you have no other choice, but it's not easy. Rely on family and friends to support you all.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Wishing your mum peace, and you strength.

X

chocolatewine Sun 09-Oct-16 17:21:28

I'm sorry about your mum, she sounds like a wonderful mum and grandma.It's very tough when a beloved person is struggling with health issues. I do understand what you mean about her being alone in hospital, but the nurses do care and they will look after her until she has you there. Take care xx

moocowmrs Sun 09-Oct-16 17:26:53

She sounds amazing, I lost my mum 4 years ago, take each day at a time and take care of yourself give yourself time to think and remember, and in time it is less painful and less raw, but you will always miss her just in a very different way.
Be kind to yourself.

ElectricMelon Sun 09-Oct-16 18:43:28

Thank you all for your kind words xx

CPtart Sun 09-Oct-16 19:41:01

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago in a car accident. She was 69. No wise words, but just to let you know you will get through this and it will be ok.
As a nurse let me also reassure you that the staff will most certainly care about her as an individual. I can still remember now, over 20 years later the names of poorly patients I've looked after. Please believe that.
Stay strong.

AliceInHinterland Sun 09-Oct-16 19:51:07

I'm so sorry, your mum sounds wonderful flowers

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