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How to help DC deal with a sudden death?

(5 Posts)
Gallopingthundercunt Mon 19-Sep-16 18:03:20

I've just heard that DSDad has died, totally out of the blue and at the far end of the country, miles away from my DM.

ATM we don't know much but DS has been told and is more in shock than anything else- he's 12 and has never suffered a bereavement before. He wants to go to DM who he is very close to but I don't think that will help. My stiff upper lip says that he should continue at school, clubs etc while we wait for more information, and that perhaps his grief is the last thing my DM needs. OTOH, perhaps he would be a distraction (I'm fairly certain he ranks as her second favourite person in the world)

So now we're waiting for DH to come home and it's all a bit surreal. I've just hung up the laundry which is such a totally normal thing to do that it feels a bit mercenary. DS needs to eat but says (for probably the first time in his life) that he's not hungry. Do I force the point (he will not cope well if he's hungry!) decamp to McDonald's or just let it be? Do we sit down and watch tv, continue with the normal rounds of homework and music practice or what?

I'm so utterly clueless that I feel like a small child, at the time when I actually need to be the most grown up I've ever been sad

Grumpyoldblonde Mon 19-Sep-16 18:39:04

I think you need to go to be with your mum. Was your stepdad a grandad figure to your son? Does your mum have people with her? Make some toast and head to your mums

Gallopingthundercunt Mon 19-Sep-16 19:11:56

Despite my insisting on going to her, she's adamant that she's fine tonight confused

She has friends with her and realistically we wouldn't get there for 5 hours or more (as a family we're currently spread at opposite ends of the country- a logistical nightmare I suspect in the days to come) DM has to call somewhere tomorrow and we will know more then.

DS has eaten toast and had a bath. It's very quiet here for now, once DH gets home I can crack open the beer.

Grumpyoldblonde Mon 19-Sep-16 19:20:12

Ah didn't realise she's so far away. I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully you'll get up there at the weekend. You probably need the beer. This is an awful thing for you all including your son so be led by him and let him express his feelings and fears. Life has changed and that should be acknowledged. All the best to you all.

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 20-Sep-16 21:30:33

Just popped on to see how you're all doing today. I have been in your shoes sadly and know its awful. Hope you make it to yourun mum soon and your son is OK.

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