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Struggling with almost everything

(11 Posts)
BooSurprise Fri 09-Sep-16 00:04:02

My husband died very suddenly 3 weeks ago, he was 37, we have 3 children, 5, 3 & 2yrs. I'm struggling with everything, and wondering how to manage my childrens grief, when I am at a complete loss myself. The eldest one particularly is being challenging with her behaviour. She appears to be in complete denial, and often refuses to discuss it. She has started hitting me, and having epic meltdowns and tantrums in public, I have no idea how to manage her. We are waiting for a second appt with a Child Bereavement charity next week, I feel that people will be judging my parenting skills- or current lack of, and I don't know how to manage that either.
I have enormous amounts of support, but now as the funeral is over, it feels like people are returning to their lives, getting back to normal, and yet I'm left with this big black hole, into which my life has dissapeared. I'm no longer the person I was 3 weeks ago, and I don't know what to do about it.

Flumpnugget Fri 09-Sep-16 00:22:54

OP, I'm so sorry to hear your circumstances. You must still be in shock- 3 weeks is such a short amount of time.

Do you have other family close by that can support you all for a while?

Simmi1 Fri 09-Sep-16 03:00:22

OP, so very sorry to hear this, what an awful thing to happen. Please try and get all the help and support you can from family, friends and maybe see your gp about your elder daughter as they may be able to help. 3 weeks is so very soon flowers

daisychain01 Fri 09-Sep-16 04:07:35

I'm so very sad for your loss Boo. I can empathise with your circumstances as I lost my DH to a massive heart attack, no previous sign of problem, there one minute gone the next.

Such a shock, the human mind cannot process such a trauma, so soon, so please go easy on yourself and your DC. Actually your DDs response is so natural, what everyone probably wants to do, meltdown rage against losing a loved one. As adults we have to hold it all together and be, well, "grown up" about everything, even though we're dying inside, life trundles on, people do get back to their lives.

I don't have any specific advice other than to take thing one minute at a time. My emotions were shot to pieces and I did some very weird out of character things. It's all about readjusting to life without the person you have lost. You may feel alone, but as I said at my DHs funeral, experiencing the death of a loved one makes us part of the Human Race, it defines our existence. And beyond the pain can be the memories of a life well lived and love overcomes all things xx

echt Fri 09-Sep-16 21:33:11

So sorry for your loss, Boosurprise. Another one here whose DH died suddenly a couple of months ago. Three weeks is so little time to have passed, though I get what you mean by everyone getting back to their lives, while you have hole in yours. I can see, though barely imagine how hard it must be to handle the grief of such small children as well as your own.

My DD is a young adult, but like your DD will not speak about her father unless she wants to. It must be so much more difficult with a much younger child and I hope the bereavement charity can help. From what I've read, it does no harm for children to see you weep, it's not losing it. I'm aware that it's been easier for me in this respect, and hope I'm not out of order here.

Many many flowers. I'm thinking of you.

QOD Fri 09-Sep-16 21:51:05

So sorry 💔💐

Mnp2015 Sat 10-Sep-16 23:53:42

So very sorry to hear your sad news BooSurprise.
You dd1 is truely doing what we wish we could do alot of the time. 3 weeks is such a small yet seemingly huge amount of time since you were the previous you.
Look after yourself and maybe hearing you talking about her daddy will help dd1 open up. Maybe start a memory book or box.

Borntobeamum Sun 11-Sep-16 10:23:15

I have no advice apart from take it hour by hour. 💐

LuckyBitches Mon 12-Sep-16 12:39:00

OP - keep talking to us if you feel like it.


Borntobeamum Thu 22-Sep-16 20:21:27

Hello OP. How are you? 💐

BooSurprise Fri 30-Sep-16 20:35:51

Ummm, keeping busy really, then I feel I have less time to properly think about what has happened. I suspect this might not be the best thing to do, but some many people have said it's not about getting over it, but learning to live with it.
Some days are worse than others, and it's the things that catch you off guard that are worse than those that are expected. Some days I feel almost normal and then I remember that I have no normal anymore.

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