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Today would've been his 50th birthday

(17 Posts)
HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 20:52:20

He was DS2's dad. He committed suicide and today would've been his 50th birthday.

DS2 is now 3 and has additional needs. His dad died when he was 5 months old. He asks about his daddy a lot but doesn't understand where he is.

I'm so tired. DS is hard work because of his needs and I'm constantly having to fight and advocate for him. I have no support and I'm so, so tired. And I'm always scared that I'm going to make the wrong decisions - the buck always stops with me.

I'm still so angry with him for what he did and I know I haven't grieved properly. I never had time - I had a 5 month old and I couldn't fall apart so life just had to carry on. But I know I can't carry on like this. I just don't know what to do.

nobodyreallyknowsme Fri 26-Aug-16 21:08:54

HHH so sorry to hear about your loss.
What a lot you have had to go through and get through you sound amazingly strong.
Can't advise on how you are feeling but it sounds so natural to be feeling all that you are . Be kind to yourself X

nobodyreallyknowsme Fri 26-Aug-16 21:11:03

Do you have help or support In RL? Anyone to talk to that could help? Have you been to talk to a bereavement support group?

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:14:33


I have friends but rarely talk about it nowadays. And, as it happens, they're all busy today. I got a babysitter for this evening, have gone for a drive and am sitting here crying. I've held it together all day and couldn't do it anymore.

I've never been to a bereavement support group. Not sure it's my thing tbh - I'd be too worried about crying in front of people I don't know.

ShiroiKoibito Fri 26-Aug-16 21:17:23

You're doing a great job - what you're feeling is natural, and dont worry.

I've never been to a bereavement support group. Not sure it's my thing tbh - I'd be too worried about crying in front of people I don't know.

I've never been to one, but i dont think crying there would be a problem, maybe it is time for you to have a go?

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:21:56

Just googling to try and find something but doesn't look like there's anything local.

3littlefrogs Fri 26-Aug-16 21:22:12

Have you talked to your GP or your HV?

They can advise you/put you in touch with people who can help and support you.


nobodyreallyknowsme Fri 26-Aug-16 21:23:41

I'm so sorry to hear you are sitting in the car crying. I wish I could help you. ... perhaps tho the crying is kind of cathartic and you need to start really grieving for the loss of your DP. You sound an amazing mother and have been through a very rough time..

Counselling might help? Specialist
Around those affected by suicide? Worth a thought HHH

Sending you flowersflowers and virtual positivity

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:24:22

That might be worth a try. I could maybe call someone on Tuesday. Found a support group about half an hour away. Might try contacting them as well.

nobodyreallyknowsme Fri 26-Aug-16 21:26:38

Also do make sure you talk to your family or friends in RL... If they knew you were feeling like this am sure they would want to know and help?

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:26:50

That's worth looking into as well.

I'm just so scared of breaking down and not being able to put myself together again. I can't do that - my DSs need me.

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:27:31

Can't talk to family but I should talk to friends more - I know they'd want to help if they knew.

nobodyreallyknowsme Fri 26-Aug-16 21:29:14

The mind always tends to think worst case scenario right? You sound strong and sensible.... Have faith In yourself that you will get through this

Albadross Fri 26-Aug-16 21:37:49

Grieving with a small dc must be so difficult for you - there is a lot of support you can get and you really will be able to stop crying if you let it out, honestly.

What you've been through is something most people never have to. You will come out stronger once you start to express how you feel inside (sorry I know that sounds cheesy, it's not meant to). In a group of strangers you might get that extra layer of protection - they don't know you and they're all there because they're also grieving.

Anger is completely normal. By prioritising your mental health you're also putting your dc first.


HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:43:11

You're all right - I do need to get this sorted don't I? I can't carry on like this.

Zampa Fri 26-Aug-16 21:48:33

Cruse bereavement counselling really helped me with the loss of someone close. They travelled to my home and sat and let me talk. Their help was invaluable.

Love and sympathy to you and DS2.

HHH3 Fri 26-Aug-16 22:21:12

That's worth looking at too - thank-you.

Home again now and babysitter has gone. DS2 is in my bed so I'm going to go and snuggle up to him.

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