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So very tired after mums death

(8 Posts)
bumbleclat Mon 22-Aug-16 17:38:51

My mum died 2 weeks ago of an infection after 4 months of chemo.
It has been tiring, all the worry, trips to the hospital, seeing her decline and feeling anxious.
2 weeks later and In having to go to sleep at 3pm for two hours, even if I've slept lots at night.
I loved my mum dearly and had s very good relationship with her so it's a great loss.
I am also 23 weeks pregnant so I don't know if this is helping?
Even the smallest tasks when you're this tired seem hard to do and I'm worried about going back to work in September (teacher) unprepared and unprepared and unable to get through each day.

Do you think it's normal for grief to manifest in this way?

Thanks and sorry that we meet here on such a sad board.

botemp Mon 22-Aug-16 20:26:27

Sorry for your loss bumblecat flowers

Completely normal to feel this way. I was physically exhausted after my mother died, I think I'd be a puddle on the floor if pregnant too. I'd just kept going, doing what needed doing during her illness not all that concerned about myself and it all caught up when there was finally room for it.

I considered it a good day if I managed to get done the one measly thing I set out to do that would normally require absolutely no effort.

You'll manage again when you need to (at work) you may not be as diligent or patient as you'd like initially but it doesn't take long to revert back to form and the distraction, being kept busy, focusing the mind on other things is actually quite nice and helpful in the long run. It's usually the moments when there's nothing required of us that grief catches up with you.

becciandbump Mon 22-Aug-16 20:35:43

Hi, sending you a hug. I think it would be totally normal to be feeling drained so soon after loosing a parent, I felt like that after losing my grandad and I can only imagine it's magnified a lot when it's a parent. Add pregnancy into the mix and you are getting a double whammy of exhaustion. 23weeks here and exhausted still. Maybe you could speak to the head at work about lightening the load when you go back. My sister is a teacher and when she was pregnant she was excluded from teaching PE towards the end and someone did one of her classes regularly to give her a free period to rest. I'm sure your midwife or gp might be able to support u with this if you asked. Thinking of you xx

bumbleclat Tue 23-Aug-16 07:39:22

Thank you so much got your replies.I obviously needed the sleep because even after sleeping really well yesterday during the day, I have just woken up from a long uninterrupted sleep just now.
Thank you.

echt Tue 23-Aug-16 10:29:14

Bumbleclat, many thanks for your loss.

Feeling tired is absolutely normal as a part of grieving full stop, never mind the travelling, anxiety before your mother's death and your pregnancy. Two weeks is no time at all, in fact there is no "right" amount of time.

My DH died suddenly, though the hospital visiting was a short and intense few days as he was kept going for organ donation, so I can identify, though in only the smallest way, with the exhausting to-ing and fro-ing.

I find I now have a skin to few now, so the upside is not taking shit of any kind, and saying so. The downside is the shit might not be intentional on the part of the shitter. Only you will be able to tell how this is working for you. A wonderful book I read on grieving is that it doesn't make people change, just exacerbates inherent behaviours, so my skin too few is a concommitant of my day-to-day arse from hell-ness.

I suppose what I'm saying is to pay attention to yourself ( and your baby) smile

I'm seven weeks down the line and, as a teacher too, feel the pinch of not feeling entirely well-planned as I would like. Fortunately, I'm in the far more forgiving educational world of Australia.

I'll be blunt here; if your school is averse to cutting you some slack having had your holiday consumed by death and grieving, do not hesitate to lean on your pregnancy. Test the waters. It's not about exploitation, but seeing that the grieving goes on and it ate into your planning time which no-one should have to do on their holidays, anyway.

All the best.

bumbleclat Tue 23-Aug-16 11:51:42

Thanks so much smile
It's strange how regularly I need to be reminded to look after myself.
Life just all feels so weirdly unfamiliar without her in it.
I'm looking forward to seeing the children in my class, I adore all of the little characters and can start counting down to maternity leave in December pretty soon.
So sorry about your loss, I know how you're feeling.

lionheart70 Tue 23-Aug-16 11:56:27

Sorry for your loss. My dad died v recently after a short illness and I have been exhausted too. Could hardly move at the weekend. Also keep forgetting to do things when I am normally quite organised. So I guess this is a part of grieving.

bumbleclat Sat 27-Aug-16 10:31:28

Sorry Lionheart for your loss sad
It's all just so sad and there's no way of escaping it.
Each day I wake up and it hits me and I try to be positive and make plans then I find myself pressed down and crushed and can't complete the simplest task in a logical and efficient order.
For example I have to do loads of work for school this term and I literally have no idea where to start and things are taking me ages I hope Ibdont get fired for being incapable.
One day at a time I suppose.

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