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Don't know what to say or do

(10 Posts)
NotnearlyascalmasIlook Sat 20-Aug-16 21:20:43

I have recently found out that the son of a close friend (he is my godson) has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness in his early 20s.

Aside from my own feelings of shock, denial and anger at the futility of this, how on earth do I support my friend, faced with the loss of their only child, and the son go through this? Personally I just can't believe this is happening to them. It's just so unfair. He doesn't look remotely ill, yet has been given a really poor prognosis - months rather than years. He tends to be an upbeat, positive person, not at all introspective. Does this change how people deal with this kind of appalling situation?

How do people get through this?

My friend is being very strong at the moment, and practical. But will this just fall apart as time goes on? Sorry for rambling but any help and advice would be wonderful.

Also, how do I manage the situation with my own daughters who are in their early teens and don't know anything yet?

NavyandWhite Sat 20-Aug-16 21:28:50

Just be there for your friend. Let her know that whenever she needs you, you will come.

Be led by her.

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Aug-16 21:32:12

How awful. The poor family and the poor young man. It's so terrible. All you can do is be there for her and not take offence if she gets angry at you for having surviving children.


JustForThisTopic Sat 20-Aug-16 21:38:20

Oh no - I'm so, so sorry to hear that, it's heartbreaking.

It's hard to know what to say you should say or do because we don't know you or your friend. You do. Just have the confidence in yourself & do your best to think what they want & need & do that. It's all you can do - your very very best.

With your children, you need to tell them before they hear it from someone else, beyond that, all you can do is be there when they need reassurance & support.

I'm sorry, it's really, really unfair & awful xx

NotnearlyascalmasIlook Sat 20-Aug-16 21:39:26

Yes that's it Imperial. How can she not hate me for still having mine? I guess the best I can do is be prepared for it.

NavyandWhite Sat 20-Aug-16 21:41:40

She won't hate you. Please don't think like that. She probably won't react how you expect her to. Listen to her, don't be offended if she doesn't want to talk or see you sometimes. Just be by her side.

NotnearlyascalmasIlook Sat 20-Aug-16 21:44:12

Thanks navy and just. You saying it's heartbreaking, hearing it from someone else, just really helps.

cocochanel21 Sat 20-Aug-16 22:21:43

I lost my dd last year. All you can do is be there for her. Grief affected everyone differently. Please don't be offended if she is off with you sometimes. When my dd died I didn't want to see anyone I spent alot of time in my bedroom by myself I was also 7mths pregnant at the time.

You sound a lovely friend to have flowers

NavyandWhite Sat 20-Aug-16 22:26:11

Gosh so hard for you coco. You're right though. Grief affects us all differently for one day to the next.

NotnearlyascalmasIlook Sat 20-Aug-16 22:51:04

flowers to you too Coco. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your insight.

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