Counselling through Cruse - any experiences

[Pleasemrstweedie]

I've been told I will need counselling following the death of my mother. I am basically not functioning and need help and support. My sick note runs out on 31 August and I need to get back to work.

I phoned Cruse on Friday morning and left a message, but they've not come back to me yet. Is this normal?

Are they likely to be able to counsel me through complex family issues?

If not Cruse, where?

[1234hello]

Very sorry for your loss and that you are struggling.

I have no personal experience of Cruse but I have had counselling for loss related reasons and found it extremely helpful.

Cruse should be able to help your particular issues but if you are in any doubt when you meet with them you can look around elsewhere. Have you heard back yet?

Your GP may be able to recommend a good therapist if the cruse one doesnt work out.

Best wishes x

[Pleasemrstweedie]

Thanks for your good wishes. Much appreciated.

Not heard a thing. It'll be a week tomorrow since my first call and three days since my second. I have also spoken to the helpline, who told me that most areas have long waiting lists, so I might have to look at private, but no idea where to start.

GP recommended Cruse.

[1234hello]

Ah, bless you, that's very frustrating that no one has come back to you and that it may mean a long waiting list. If you can find the money for private then that might be an idea. I paid privately and it was the best money I have ever spent BUT my counsellor was excellent. A good one is worth their weight in gold.

Can you get anything through work? Alot of employers offer either telephone or face to face counselling free of charge for at least 6 sessions. Counselling is also available if you have private healthcare with a referral from your GP.

Good luck, I really hope you find some peace soon. Would it help you to post more about your difficulties either here or in mental health or relationships?

[Pleasemrstweedie]

Eleven days later I finally get to speak to them. They have some sort of selection process whereby I have to attend a group evening where there will be a talk about the grieving process, followed by group discussion and then reflection. The next one is in three weeks time.

If, after that, I want to go on the waiting list, I can expect to get six sessions only, and not before December at the earliest.

I have complex issues to deal with and currently am barely functioning. DH is doing what he can, but he is not a therapist or counsellor. I am supposed to go back to work next Wednesday. I have to sleep and be able to get through a day without complete breakdown by then,

[Potentialmadcatlady]

I'm so sorry mrstweedie...I found cruse really good and they bumped me up waiting list because I was ( still am) such a mess..could you explain to them that you simply can't wait? Have you spoken to your GP.. I normally avoid them and don't like taking tablets but had no choice I was in such a state and literally couldn't get through the days or nights..getting some sleep is a priority...

[Pleasemrstweedie]

The good news is that, although the group session was awful, I had my first counselling session on 4 October and my second tonight. So far it's been a very positive experience.

[1234hello]

Glad to hear it's been positive so far. How was the second one this week?

[Pleasemrstweedie]

Yup, pretty good. Thanks.

[1234hello]

That's great news, do you feel like you are functioning better? How about work?

Not sure if you wanted to say anymore or not, feel free to ignore if you'd prefer to just get in with it!

Best wishes X

[Pleasemrstweedie]

Thanks for your interest. It helps.

I took a month of work, which was right for me. Long enough fir me to find a level, but not so long that I didn't want to go back at all. GP gave it to me - no questions asked. My bids, when I called in and said my mother had died, said "So you'll be off today and the day if the funeral, whenever that is." There and then I decided I would get signed off. I do have the occasional wobble, but I can get through the day.

Counselling has enabled me to tackle some of the things I need to do. I'm currently trying to arrange to go and see my mother's oldest friend, who is my last link with her.

[1234hello]

Your boss sounds delightful . Well done for getting signed off, definitely the right thing to do.

Visiting your mother's friend also sounds like a wise thing to do if that is what has come up in counselling as being helpful. I imagine your mums friend may well find it helpful seeing you as a connection to your mum too. I hope you can make the plan happen there.

It's very promising that you can recognise a wobble as a wobble and that you can get through the day. Never be afraid to take the odd day or week off again if you feel you need to though. Best not to let things build up.

How long do you think you will carry on with counselling? Was it 6 sessions you said or is there scope for more? I think a lot can be achieved in 6 sessions but it took many more than that for me. That said I wanted to explore all sorts of things not just grief-related.

All the best with everything