So much sadness

(7 Posts)
Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour Tue 16-Aug-16 09:22:57

Two weeks ago we lost my FIL, having being treated for parkinsons he was diagnosed with stomach cancer and passed away two weeks later, now a close family friend who has been more like my own father, (my kids think of him as their grandad) has now passed away too after two battles with cancer (the first he successfully recovered from and the last time after brutal chemo/radiotherapy treatment he was starting to feel a bit more with it but then developed pneumonia and passed away after a week in intensive care.) I am devastated and just so overwhelmed by the sudden finality of all this, by the time we get our head around one thing something else has happened! My best friend has suddenly lost her dad too, Its just everyehere. I'm not even sure why I'm writing all this but I guess if there's anyone else that has experienced anything similar..how do you cope?

beelover Tue 16-Aug-16 21:25:25

flowers I don't have any advice on coping but I fully understand your feelings. Eight days since I lost my lovely Mum and tonight I'm feeling very sad and low. Think the finality of it all is sinking in. Virtual hugs to you x

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour Wed 17-Aug-16 08:48:26

Awww, thankyou beelover , sorry to hear that. Hugs to you too. X

Grumpyoldblonde Wed 17-Aug-16 17:10:59

You cope because really there is simply no option. I have attended more funerals in the last couple of years than some do in a lifetime and it has made me very fragile mentally. I am Ok during the day when I'm busy, but at night...I am often awake a 4am with morbid thoughts. I can deal with the death of elderly people, people who have a specific illness, but it is the young and sudden ones who have affected me the most. I am consciously trying to plan lots of fun things, things to look forward to, but every headache right now is possibly something sinister.
I am sorry for your losses, it is very difficult, just one foot in front of the other, a cry when you need to and a few treats lined up, be that as simple as a long bath, or a holiday, it doesn't matter, just being kind to yourself. In a way I think our minds simply can't cope with multiple losses/problems/issues , so when there is one death after another it takes a while to process, it's like a protection in a way so grief can come much, much later than you might expect.

LuckyBitches Thu 25-Aug-16 15:03:45

My experience is different in that my brother died two years ago and my Dad is suddenly declining, but what I'm learning is that sadness is inevitable, something that's not clear until you start losing people. I'm trying to accept this at the moment - I read somewhere that learning to carry our sadness makes us stronger.

flowersflowersflowers

user1471443066 Thu 25-Aug-16 15:14:12

I remember feeling "so close to death", not that I as dying, just there was so much of it about.....that's three years ago.

You just carry on and you surrender to not being in control and just coping, and float along. It does pass, but if it is someone close, you learn to live with the bereavement rather than recover to the person you were before. It takes time, lots of time.

The only upshot is that it changes your perspective and you enjoy the little things more and feel more grateful for your own life. You have a truer sense of what your truth is. What you really like in life and what you want and who you want to surround yourself with.

It cystalises/hones in on what's important to you.

The initial shock is so great, that I don't think you fully appreciate it until some time has passed.

That's how it was for me anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss, it's emotionally and physically draining.

Life really is a rollercoaster xxx

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour Thu 25-Aug-16 15:27:30

Thankyou for your responses guys, they do make a lot of sense. I totally agree that my perspective on life has totally changed. There is so much sadness around and awful things happening, we have to make the most of what we have and not take anything for granted.

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