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A question for those who have experienced a close bereavement. How much compassionate leave were you allowed from your employer?

(37 Posts)
bluehydrangeas Fri 29-Jul-16 17:40:52

I understand that from the employer's perspective, life has to go on at some point and they need to know when you are planning on returning to work. Do you think a month's leave is too much to ask for?

fastdaytears Fri 29-Jul-16 17:42:58

There was a long thread about this a while ago but I can't remember enough to link to him. Hopefully someone can.

It really depends on the employer. Some people said a month some people said 2 days and a lot in between. Are you thinking paid or unpaid?

TwoWeeksInCyprus Fri 29-Jul-16 17:44:15

I had about 2 weeks when my father died

Finola1step Fri 29-Jul-16 17:46:29

I had just over three weeks when my DDad died. Sudden death, coroner involvement, lots to do. Went back the day after the funeral.

thelmafitzgerald Fri 29-Jul-16 17:47:58

My company offers 5 days of compassionate leave.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 29-Jul-16 17:48:25

My ex husband was entitled to 3 days when our daughter died. Everyone pulled together and he ended up with 4 weeks though.

pearlylum Fri 29-Jul-16 17:51:30

I took 2 days when my husband died, 3 days when my father died. My OH took an afternoon off when his father died.

ALemonyPea Fri 29-Jul-16 17:52:11

Every employer is different. The standard is 3 days, which I don't think is an awful lot at all for a close bereavement.

When DFIL died, both DH and I took two weeks off work. My employer would have allowed me as much time as I needed, as would DHs.

When MIL died, I wasn't working, but DH took 2 weeks again (same employer) and again could have taken a lot longer if he needed it.

anyhue Fri 29-Jul-16 17:54:05

I expect it varies by employer. When one of parents passed away I think I was allowed 3 days.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 29-Jul-16 17:56:53

Depends who's died. Partner or child is obviously more likely to need more than a couple of days.

QueenJuggler Fri 29-Jul-16 17:57:40

I got a week when my DF died.

Corneliasedet Fri 29-Jul-16 17:58:41

I wasn't working when DS died but when my DBrother died I had a day's leave just after and then another for his funeral. I think it totally depends on the employer.

Snuggledbythefire Fri 29-Jul-16 18:00:31

When my mum died. I got nothing at all. I ended up ringing in the day she passed then I had to get a sick note for the rest of it. Two weeks in all.
I'm an only child, no dad and my mum lived 200 miles away. Horrible time. So stressful. No wonder I was signed off.

DrWhy Fri 29-Jul-16 18:03:40

When my dad died I got 3 days officially I think but they let me work from my mums house for some days, accepted that other days I was basically unavailable and I was back at work between his death and the funeral. My bosses pretty much said take the time you need, which on reflection I really didn't but I'd only been doing the job 2 months and didn't want to mess people around.

InTheDessert Fri 29-Jul-16 18:04:29

How do you know it is going to take a month to get to a point that you are capable of returning to work.
When a direct reports husband died, the handbook said 3 days, and I used managers discretion to extend to a week. Her brother called after the funeral, and I suggested a GP note to cover all further required time. Not because I thought they should be back after a week, but because my hands were tied. Think we agreed (via e-mail, instigated by them) about 3 weeks with then a (non official) phased return by just working core hours, so 6 hr days instead of 8.
My eyebrows would have been raised if the conversation went " Hi boss, it's Jane Brown, John Brown died last night, can I have a month off please"
If your grieving, I'm sorry for your loss flowers

EwanWhosearmy Fri 29-Jul-16 18:09:19

My dad died suddenly and 200 miles away. I just dropped everything and went. I didn't come home until after the funeral so would have had 2-3 weeks off.

When my grandparents died I just got the day of the funeral, which was fair enough.

Guidelines in one of the many places I've worked said it was less about your relationship to the deceased and more of what responsibility you had. So my mum went to pieces and needed me to look after her, organise arrangements, go to the registrar and the bank etc etc, while for the others I just went for the funeral and didn't have to do any organising.

Same with my FIL. Eldest BIL took over all the organising so DH literally drove down and back on the day of the funeral, whereas BIL had been there all week.

A month seems a long time though, unless there are specific issues. Fair enough if unpaid, but if expecting paid leave would have to justify the time.

brECHTian Sat 30-Jul-16 05:19:54

I've NCed for this as I don't want to out my employers.

Three days is the allowance, but they have been endlessly helpful in allowing time for me to attend to the inevitable and non-negotiable aspects of post bereavement, e.g. probate, seeing accountants and solicitors, without it showing as sick leave.

For my part, I went in to teach my exam class two days after the funeral, when my doctor would have written a sick note for as long as I needed, so win-win.

brECHTian Sat 30-Jul-16 05:20:47

I should say it was my DH who died, and suddenly.

Motherfuckers Sat 30-Jul-16 05:45:23

I think a week for parents, but considerably more for a child.

Sooverthis Sat 30-Jul-16 06:10:16

Three days a month is asking a lot

Daytona79 Sat 30-Jul-16 07:09:25

3 days is standard , I think a month is pushing it

Wolpertinger Sat 30-Jul-16 07:21:41

A few days. The rest was on a sick note.

LippyLiz Sat 30-Jul-16 07:26:35

When my dad died I had just short of a couple of weeks due to delay in funeral but others in the office would maybe have a week.

christinarossetti Sat 30-Jul-16 07:29:20

My employer's policy was 2 weeks when my dd died. It was just before Xmas, so there were BHs as well.

Then I was signed off until after her funeral, then went back.

I agree that it should be negotiated on an individual basis after the standard few days. People's needs vary hugely.

JeepersMcoy Sat 30-Jul-16 07:33:32

I took 3 weeks, but this included a few days before my dm died and was in hospice. It then took ages to get the funeral booked and I couldn't face going back before I had that out the way. I am very lucky and work in local government. They are amazingly kind and thoughtful about this sort of thing in my experience. My mum had been very ill for a very long time and I needed the time out to recover to be honest.

I don't think there is a standard amount everyone needs. It will depend on the circumstances, your relationship and your own personality. Some people may prefer to throw themselves back into work, some may need some time alone or with close family. Don't let anyone tell you what is right for you.

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