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What should I do?

(6 Posts)
DanyellasDonkey Wed 20-Jul-16 22:45:14

My mother died recently. Over the last 5 years she had been horrible to me. I always wondered how I would feel when she died but I felt nothing at all, I never shed a tear. Tbh the only emotion I felt was relief, that I wouldn't have to take her nastiness any more.

I'm finding it very hard when people come up to me in the street or shops and say how much she'll be missed or what a great person she was.

How should I deal with this? Should I just smile benignly and gloss over it or should I tell people that the public Danyella's mother was very different to the one I saw?

Charlieandlola Wed 20-Jul-16 22:49:14

I'm sorry for your loss. However awful she was to you , she was still your mum and you'll need to grieve for her in your own way .
I'd accept people's kind words as they are probably meant genuinely, and say something like : in glad you could see the positive in her , or I'm
Pleased you could see her kind side - acknowledge their feelings but not agree with them.
Look after yourself 💐

pugsandseals Thu 21-Jul-16 11:07:14

I feel nothing too - my mum died 3 weeks ago, there was lots of pressure for me to go & see her while she was in hospital but I didn't go. First I heard of her death was from my cousin the day before her funeral. Didn't go, didn't feel welcome, but got a nasty note in the post from my dad saying he hoped I would rot! My only advice is to try to look after yourself & move on. Did you talk about it on Facebook? I think that's the thing I've found hardest to deal with - it feels like a dirty secret because you know people will judge!

CharleyDavidson Thu 21-Jul-16 11:09:13

I'd just thank them, smile and say that you are glad she meant that much to them.

They go away happy and you don't have to reveal that she didn't mean the same to you.

DanyellasDonkey Thu 21-Jul-16 17:41:35

Pugs I had a few messages on Facebook from people saying they were sorry so I just clicked like but didn't comment. I've now thrown out every photo that she was in and when I was asked what I wanted from her possessions I said nothing as I don't ever want to be reminded of that woman. Actually now that I've taken that stance I'm feeling better about things.

whateverrrr Tue 26-Jul-16 23:54:56

Hi DanyellasDonkey
This is your experience of your mothers death. You felt she was horrible to you and Im guessing that it made your life hard. Dont feel bad for not feeling anything. Dont feel bad that you are glad she is not there to hurt you any more. If you want to talk about it you could go on "We took you to stately homes" thread for children of parents who treated them badly. Its very helpful to just talk on there and there is always someone around to listen. Emotionally abuse is soul destroying. Take Care.

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