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First Fathers Day without Dad. Anyone else?

(12 Posts)
ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Sat 18-Jun-16 22:48:23

Tomorrow will be my first Fathers Day without my Dad. It'll be one of my last 'firsts' as we're approaching the first anniversary of his death. We had a 'complex' relationship and some kind person on here reminded me that I'd experience complex grief. Very true.

He was not the best father in the world and suffered depression and alcoholism but he was fab when I was a young child, taking me swimming weekly, to the ballet, cinema, the pub and was always the life and soul of the party. Everyone loved spending time with him. But he was a square peg in a round hole and struggled to find his place in life, pushing everyone away. We were estranged for a long time and (although I know it's not the case), I feel a level of responsibility for his death. I'll miss him tomorrow.

I just wondered if anyone else in the same position would like to tell us about their Dads?

Helenluvsrob Sat 18-Jun-16 23:02:14

Yep. It's mine. I've told dads story loads in here. He died the day after my 50th birthday in April.
He was a very special dad. A hands on " new man" dad before the new man was invented. Not many dads in the 1960s changed nappies and fed babies. He loved being a grandad on his terms - reading with / too the kids.
He had dementia. He'd isn't really know who I was - I was a nice person he liked spending time with fir the last years since mum died. But that's was ok. It made him happy as a rule in his care home so that wAs ok.
I felt a bit sad yesterday and today when I spotted his hats in the lounge. Dh said I could share his dad which was very sweet. My FIL is pretty good really so I'll be happy to share - as long as I do t have to drive him anywhere! He's not good then lol.
I shall try to ring FIL to ring him a happy Father's Day and raise a glass to my dad in his cardboard box in the bookshelf next to what's left of Mums ashes.
I miss him but he wasn't " my dad " for some years so it's easier. It was hardest a few weeks before mum died when it hit me that I couldn't have conversation with either parent though they were both still just about physically present. ThT was very upsetting.

Helenluvsrob Sat 18-Jun-16 23:03:01

Hugs to you op. It muT be really hard when the relationship was so complicated

DrWhy Sat 18-Jun-16 23:08:34

I lost my dad in late Feb, just this thread title made me cry. I'm pregnant and my dad will never be a grandad, it's still so painful and feels so unfair.
DH is away with work, mum is with friends and DSis is at the other end of the country. Lovely friends have offered to take me out but my plan is just to stay home, not go anywhere near shops or social media and pretend it's not happening.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Sat 18-Jun-16 23:37:48

Helen it sounds like a lovely dad. Mine was a bit of a new dad too apparently. Unusual in the 70s!

Dr Sorry to make you cry. It doesn't take much, does it. I cry for the oddest things, then realise it's about him really. It'll be easy to escape tomorrow if you stay home and keep away from Facebook. I hope you'll be ok

flowers to you both

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Sat 18-Jun-16 23:38:21

It?? He, of course! Sorry

Helenluvsrob Sat 18-Jun-16 23:43:57

Hugs drwhy. These occasions are very tough. I understand that you always have a big hole in your life but it hurts less over the years and you learn to bear it.

Dad had no idea what the card was for last year and didn't remember to eat his chocolate either. I can't imagine having choc and not eating it. I hope he just didn't feel Hungry as he did eat his meals rather thank not knowing it was choc and you could eat it it I suspect it was the latter.

hidingwithwine Sun 19-Jun-16 08:41:24

It's mine. And ten months today since he went. Just taken him flowers. I'm sure he'd have preferred a bottle of whisky and a huge slab of Dairy Milk though

madmother1 Sun 19-Jun-16 08:44:00

Just thinking of mine too, who died 2 years ago. I'm on my own as well, due to the kids seeing their Dad. I will have a quiet thinking about him day. As time goes by, it eases a bit. flowers

Sgoinneal Sun 19-Jun-16 08:44:46


Feeling a huge mixture of things, mainly sad. I was very close to my dad and it has hurt every single day since he died. I just wish I could see him again, that he was still here.

ItsJustPaint Sun 19-Jun-16 08:52:55

My first too...

A whole range of emotions going on tbh...I'm trying to fix my thoughts on the fact we don't really do Father's Day, but watching the little ones proudly deliver their handmade cards and gifts to their dad this morning wrenches at some part inside me, knowing I probably looked just as excited all those years ago with my own dad.

I need to call my mum about something .. Just hoping she hasn't realised its FD as I know it will set her ( and me ) off a bit.

flowers to everyone x

dietstartsmonday Sun 19-Jun-16 09:04:33

My first too. My dad committed suicide in Feb so I have really mixed feelings.
The man we lost this year wasn't really my dad he was a very ill depressed person. But my dad when I was growing up was my world. He was simply fab. It started to go wrong when we lost my mum 9 years ago.
I do feel very alone. I will be staying off Facebook so I don't have to see all the posts.
I would quite like to hibernate really today.

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