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brother died suddenly practical advice needed

(9 Posts)
babypeach Fri 03-Jun-16 17:47:31

Hi all,
Sorry if this sounds blunt but my brother has been found dead in bed. As yet no idea what happened. I'm still very much in shock but my dad may not be up to handling details and I've no idea what needs to be done

I have a 7 month old bf baby starting solids and stupid as it sounds am obsessing about impact on himbas well as my 5'year old and feel like I need a head start on what things will happen/need doing so I can pkan around children's needs. Baby will not take bottle or cup yet and is very hard to feed so need to work out best way forward as

My vmbrother owned a flat and I think very unlikely to have had a will as he was quite young and was always very unconcerned with those sorts of things.
He was in bed and it appears he died in his sleep so I guess a post mortem will be needed.

Please can anyone give me ideas on what will happen and when/potential timings?

Again sorry this post is cold sounding bur I'm trying to plan so I can stay in control emotionally

Haffdonga Fri 03-Jun-16 17:54:19

I'm so very sorry.

babypeach Fri 03-Jun-16 19:17:33

Thank you haffdonga I will have a look
Feel like this is all a horrible nightmare to be honest not real at all yet

GasLightShining Fri 03-Jun-16 22:26:45

I am so sorry baby.

I don;t think your post is cold I think you are being practical and what ever happens in life you will always want to think of your children.

Is there anyone who can help you through this in real life. The one thing I would say is be careful not to exclude your dad too much.

Coconutty Fri 03-Jun-16 22:37:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinIsIn Fri 03-Jun-16 22:39:55

I am so sorry for your loss. You need to notify any close friends, other family, and his bank. The coroners office will be able to put you in touch with a funeral director.

It's a good idea to send someone impartial to his flat to collect any important legal documents or papers- it will really help further down the line to have all these things together but it will be very hard to do it yourself this early on. Perhaps your DH, or a friend could do it?

Lastly, it really is OK to just be practical now - you don't sound cold at all. It takes a long time for all of this to sink in, just focus on the day to day for now.

babypeach Sat 04-Jun-16 08:03:20

Thank you all for your kindness

Advice is so helpful. I do have a brother who will help where he can and dh also but I'm on maternity leave so I think practical stuff may fall to me. They are both very restricted intime they can take of work.

I do think you're right I shouldn't cut dad out of arrangements so will be mindful of trying not to assume he wouldn't want to.

Were going back to the flat today to collect documents and will hear back from coroner on Monday as to what the next step is.
Thank you all again

toriap2 Sat 04-Jun-16 08:10:24

I am so so sorry for your loss. My DH died very suddenly and it was the practical things I struggled with. All I can say is only do what you are able each day, accept any help you are given, and be kind to yourself. Registering the death, the registry office offer a service that will comtact dVLA, the council and many other organisations for you. I found this very useful. The funeral director was very lovely and liased with the coronor on my behalf as far as releasing the body went. Hugs to you all

Fidelia Sat 04-Jun-16 08:29:59

Emotionally, it's OK to feel however you do. You don't have to grieve like people do on TV. You're likely to all go through different stages of grieving at different times, so don't compare yourself with anyone else. Also don't worry that you're not getting over it quickly (rushing things often means rugsweeping and then getting hit by it all some months/years a later) it's normal for people to take 2-5 years to start to feel like themselves again.

Children grieve differently from adults. Children feel what they feel in the moment, so may be sad/angry and then suddenly change to happy/engrossed in a new thing. That's normal because they tend to deal with their feelings as they arise. It might be worth telling ds1's school and asking for advice on how to help him

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