oh sht jmg, i really don't envy you on this one...As you know, i have 2 dss's who lost their mother and I have brought them up as my own. We've always been very honest about the circumstances of their mother dying (from breast cancer) and dealt with it in an almost matter of fact but sensitive way. I don't know how much professional advice you've had, but we were pretty much advised to do this. She died when the boys were babies, so they really have no memory of her, which I think, is why one of my dss's has in the last couple of years struggled to handle this part of his life. The problems started when a boy in his class bullied him for this reason (the little sht!!). This then led to feelings of guilt because he couldn't remember her. In the end, we have gone down the therapy route. My dh was against this to begin with, but it's turned out to be the best thing we ever did. My advice to you if they were having problems with other children teasing is try and protect them as much as possible, deal with it straight away, go to the school or speak to their parents. With regards to an appropriate age, I really don't know the answer, only you know your children. In years to come, some family therapy may help. Try not to be dismissive of this (what a loads of bll*ks was my dh's response!)it can help. For now I would try not to worry about the detail, other than to tell your children that their mother was ill and there was nothing you could have done to cure that illness. At the same time, remind them of all of the great times you had together and the wonderful person she was ... and even though she's gone, she'll always be around. For the boys sake I've always tried to remain positive even in the hardest of circumstances IYKWIM HTH LMB