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why does this happen

(6 Posts)
noregretsinlife Thu 12-May-16 03:39:47

Hi 2 years ago I lost my younger brother 22 years old! he was my best friend and my hero my kids loved him to bits he was the type off uncle who would jump at the chance to take the kids out for a game off football any spare time he had! Typical young lad the type you just instantly click with! The thing is when I'm haveing days were in really struggling to cope with him not being here I forget what he looks like and trying to think off a memory it's like my head goes blank and I can't think off any! When I'm talking about him to someone I can remember happy times and picture him so clearly but when I'm alone crying my eyes out I can't seem to do that! Sounds strange and not really sure why this happens any advice would be great full X

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Thu 12-May-16 03:47:22

I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't really have any advice but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. The only thought I have is that maybe your mind goes in to a form of self protection mode when you're very upset - I know mine does that when I'm trying to think of something that is particularly painful. flowers

Strokethefurrywall Thu 12-May-16 04:10:48

It's grief OP and grief has no rhyme not reason unfortunately.

I lost my younger brother too, he was 28 - he was a rock, my rock in life and one of my best friends. I miss him so so much.
I'm so sad that my youngest DS2 never met him.

All I. Can think is that grief is like the ocean. At he beginning the grief is like drowning. You can't see the wood for the trees. I went everywhere like a whipped dog, waiting for the grief to overwhelm me. It was like being tossed in a stormy sea, the waves of grief crashing over and over again.
As time went on the waves lessened. Soon I was crying every other night instead of every night, then soon to every third night, then every week. The sea of grief seemed to calm.
It has been nearly 4 years since we los my him. I'm in a calm sea. But every now and again a huge wave will overwhelm me, and it totally engulfs me and I can't breathe again.

I have to accept that this is the way life is now. A calm sea with the occasional engulfing wave. You have to allow yourself to feel it. I make sure I acknowledge my grief and my feelings. It's the only way I know how to keep him alive I think.
We talk about him often, refer to him regularly, but I don't think it's the same as fully acknowledging his loss.

I try not to let myself remember my brother as he was in his final days. It was such a cruel ending and it makes me tear up even now thinking about him. So I force myself to remember his healthy days and his laughter and the feel of his hands and the warmth of hugs and his mannerisms.

I'm so sorry you're going through this too, the loss of someone you love tears a hole in your heart thanks

LuckyBitches Fri 13-May-16 15:28:21

Hi all - I lost my brother to cancer 2 years ago aged 28. For me, grief comes and goes - it's not linear and it seems to arrive in all sorts of different guises. I suspect it's behind a current period of anxiety that I'm going through, for example. OP - yesterday I had the horrible thought that I could forget what he looked like, but then it occurred to me that I'd never forget how he was, and how I feel about him. That's what matters. And don't worry about going blank - it sounds like you're trying to protect yourself. It's so painful flowers

noregretsinlife Mon 23-May-16 02:37:25

Thank you everyone and so sorry you's have lost your brothers too life is so cruel but it helps nowing people understand the pain sad

Carol31 Mon 06-Jun-16 21:12:53

My daughter baby died in her womb at 12 wks she has to wait 4days till the hospital can operate on her.what happens after to baby

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