I miss her but I'm massively angry with her

(8 Posts)
SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Thu 05-May-16 03:08:51

I grew up in an abusive adoptive home and my saving grace was my next door neighbours whose daughter became my best friend. We became friends aged 5 years old, went on to have our sons in our early 20s. Long story short she had three difficult relationships, became depressed culminating in drinking herself to death over a period of 6 years. Even though we ended up losing touch the last few years because her last husband didn't like me because I was 'too independent', I always still considered her to be my best friend. It's been 3.5 years since she died but I just can't get over her death. I used to work in addiction treatment so I'm very familiar with the illness, but that almost makes me feel worse that I couldn't help her. When we were still in touch we talked every single day, several times a day and totally got each other. I just feel that my heart will never mend.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Thu 05-May-16 03:13:34

Some context on time, I'm 49 now.

Simmi1 Thu 05-May-16 03:41:50

Sorry to hear that OP - I have no real advice but you sound like a lovely person and friend and I hope you will feel better soon. I'm sure your friend would not want to see you suffering. It's an awful thing to happen and 3.5yrs is not that long. Allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself. Hugs 💐

Baconyum Thu 05-May-16 04:29:35

Sounds like you're stuck in an anger stage of grief, it can happen. Have you tried bereavement counselling? And yes 3.5 years when you'd known her so long is hardly any time at all.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Thu 05-May-16 12:41:37

Thank you for your advice. I don't think I appreciate its only been 3.5 years and that, that isn't a long time in the grief process.

cocochanel21 Thu 05-May-16 17:11:18

I feel the same sometimes.

My DD died 7mths ago she had a drug problem. She was only 23. I spent years telling her she was going to die if she didn't stop,she would never listen and thought it would never happen to her. She died in tragic and upsetting circumstances.
My day's are spent between feeling furious and angry at her and crying and heartbroken and just wanting her back.
I also feel my heart will never mend.
flowers for you.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Fri 06-May-16 02:50:46

Cocochanel21 I'm so very sorry for your pain. Losing a child no matter how old they are is a burden no parent should ever bear. Addiction is a terrible illness. Sadly no matter what we might say to someone caught up in the cycle of addiction,our words fall on deaf ears because the addict can't just stop. Are you getting support from relevant support groups? 7 months is not very long so your grief will still be so raw.

cocochanel21 Fri 06-May-16 10:14:11

I've recently started bereavement counselling. I was 7mths pregnant with DD2 when my Dd1 died.(have a 23year age gap between my dds).
At the time i buried alot of my feelings and tried to carry on before I knew it Dd2 was born. I now know pregnancy hormones and grief don't go well together.
My family and DH and very supportive.

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