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Friends mum has passed away

(11 Posts)
Tattersail Tue 03-May-16 08:37:09

My dear friends mum passed away in the early hours of this morning. I am very very bad at handling bereavement so would like some advice.

I've been in touch to offer support and my friend has said she'd prefer to be alone, which I completely respect. I would like to go to the shop and get her a few bits though. Just things like milk and some ready meals as I doubt she'll want to cook anything for a wee while. Would this be over stepping the mark as she's said she wants to be alone? I wouldn't hang around or anything, just drop stuff in. Or is it a good idea or maybe just a bit too soon?

pippistrelle Tue 03-May-16 09:15:56

You sound like a lovely friend, Tattersail.

It's such a personal thing that it's hard for anyone to know what to do. But I think all you can do is listen to your friend. Maybe send her a text later (if that's not an unusual form of communication for you) and say you'd like to drop a few things off, and is that okay? Even if she says no, I'm sure she will appreciate your kind intent.

Tattersail Tue 03-May-16 14:13:21

Thank you so much for responding. I've spent some time making a few dinners for her and bought a few things from the shop. I'll drop her a line shortly and if she's not up for seeing anyone I'll bung it in the fridge. It'll no doubt come in handy over the next few days. My friend is diabetic and i worry about her eating enough as it is so I doubt she'll be surprised.

ApocalypseSlough Tue 03-May-16 14:32:35

Just leave it on the doorstep. She might be a howling snotty mess, and no pop in would be short enough. Bag of groceries and text 'food on doorstep xTatter'

Please don't just pop round-or even ask if you can, if she doesn't want to see anyone then she doesn't want to see anyone. Just leave it on her doorstep and text her that it's there x

UntilTheCowsComeHome Tue 03-May-16 18:01:56

What a lovely friend you are. flowers

When my mum died my 'friends' were nowhere to be seen, think I had a couple of 'oh no hun' texts but nothing as kind as what you are offering.

Though I agree with pp that leaving the food on the doorstep is the best idea.

Tattersail Wed 04-May-16 06:57:55

Thanks for the advice everyone. I did go to leave it on the doorstep but she caught me and asked me to sit with her a while. We didn't talk much but she was glad of the company.

SwearyInn Wed 04-May-16 07:03:25

Having been in your friend's position (minus the diabetes) I wish my friends had been so thoughtful. Drop her the occasional text just to say you're thinking of her, but be clear that you're not expecting a reply. I think the food is a lovely idea and even if you drop on doorstep and just leave a text to say you've done so would be ok I think.

SwearyInn Wed 04-May-16 07:04:21

X-post with your last reply. Glad you sat with her. Again, I i wish I had had that.

ApocalypseSlough Wed 04-May-16 07:33:40

You're a lovely friend.

You're a lovely friend x

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