(Sorry poorly written essay) My dm died over a year ago now she was a palliative care specialist nurse, when in hospital in ICU I basically exaggerated something she said to me about her fears/ opinions regarding shortness of breath in end of life care. Due to what I said they increased her fentanyl prior to extubating her. After the tube was removed she didn't try to breath at all. On one level I feel this was a good outcome she was able to be an organ donor, with the organs removed in as good nick as they could be from a non beating heart donor however I also feel completely consumed by guilt that my lie may have changed the treatment she was given. Is this the sort of thing people should discuss with therapists. I really want to talk about this in real life but I'm worried anyone would judge me.
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What makes you feel that you exaggerated?
It sounds as though the treatment offered gave her a peaceful end, which is what we all wish for. It is very common to have feelings of guilt after the death of a loved one and when we are feeling that way we tend to focus on small things that then grow in our minds.
Whatever you said, the desired outcome was achieved and your Mum had a peaceful death. Do not beat yourself up about this - you did what felt right at the time. Soon I am sure you will feel able to concentrate on the happy memories. 
Thank you for your kind reply, what I meant by exaggerate was to tell an anecdote that didn't really happen. At this stage we had been through about 72 hours without going to sleep and I'm not sure I was thinking straight. I do have lots of happy memories but I was so anxious at the time about a slower more challenging death that when it was all over quite quickly I felt almost happy 
When my DM died last year, she had been ill for a long time. When the doctor asked to speak to me I was so anxious about them trying to treat her that I'm sure I said things I shouldn't have done. Thankfully, they agreed with me and we let her go peacefully, but I ask myself every day if we did the right thing.
I think 'guilt' ( it's not really that, but I can't think of another way to put it) is a normal part of grief, especially when you have been asked to make decisions regarding another person. It's very hard, I know, but be kind to yourself. Your DM was peaceful at the end, and I think that is all anyone really wants.
Big hugs from you.
I think your mum's had a very peaceful and dignified death. I assume her brain stem was affected. "Brainstem death" it means they are unable to breathe on their own once the ventilator is turned off.
Her being an organ donor is such an amazing gift and she continues to live through your memories.
The medics talk to, and consult families but they make decisions on clinical grounds, please don't blame yourself for wanting a peaceful end for her.
I watched my DM die in pain and I'd have done anything to ease her suffering. 
Thank you and your family so much for the generous act of donating your DM's organs. My DH had a transplant, without which he probably wouldn't still be around and the DCs wouldn't exist.
May your DM rest in peace and I hope you are able to put these feeling behind you.
It sounds like you're beating yourself up - please don't! I can understand though - I imagine that if I had any sort of involvement in a loved one's final moments I'd subsequently find a way to criticise my own behaviour, being a self flaggelating type! But you should give yourself a break; it sounds like she had a peaceful death, and her wish to be an organ donor was met. That's as much as we can all hope for
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