Bereavement after addiction

[Charlieandlola]

My friend has just lost her adult son age 28 to alcohol . He literally drank himself to death . He's been in and out of prison and rehab and hospital since he was 18. She's been saying her life is on hold waiting for the phone to ring and for him to die .
I half think she'll find his death a release for him and her , but it feels awful to say or hint at that .
Am at a loss as to what to say, don't want to become one of those people who mutter I'm sorry and avoid her .
Can anyone advise ?

[birchygoo]

I didn't want to read and run. I have a best friend who is alcoholic and I'm also waiting on her drinking herself to death. Your friend will still be grieving the son she once knew. She may also be feeling guilty that she couldn't do anything to save him. She may feel a little relief that it's over, his suffering is over but she may feel very guilty for feeling these feelings.

I think all you can do is say I'm so sorry for your loss. I am here for you should you want to talk. Let me know if I can help. Maybe bring over some dinners? Send a card. Just let her know you are there. This is nothing anyone else can do except support and listen. If she confides in feeling relief I think you can reassure her its normal and it does not make her a bad person/mother. Also it tends to be weeks down the line when people stop contacting the grieved and this is the hardest part. So just make sure you are still offering support in 2,3,6 months time.

[cocochanel21]

I've been where your friend is. My dd died last year at 23 from a long battle with drug addiction. I always knew how it was going to end,told her many times she was going to die but unfortunately she wouldn't listen.
I personally wouldn't be making any comments about his death being a release for her. Maybe in the future she might feel this way but I wouldn't imagine she feels that way just now.
When my DD died it was in tragic and upsetting circumstances it was reported in the paper. Some of the comments made by total stranger's really upset me.
All you can do is be there for her, listen to her.
Did you know her son when he was younger before alcohol took over his life. Remembering him when he was younger may be a comfort to her just now. Also after the funeral when people go back to their lives and stop contacting you is hard to deal with.

Losing a child to addiction is awful somedays the guilt of not being able to stop it happening is really hard to deal with. If i could have my dd back i would put up with the drug's and all the nightmares it brought with it just to have her here..
Your poor friend .

[Charlieandlola]

Thanks both for your replies . I'm
Sorry about your dd coco.

I didn't know him then sadly but will ask her about his younger days in the hope that she can think of happier times .
I see her every week so will be around in 6 months ...
It's so shit 😓