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How can we support our friends?

(7 Posts)
Ikeatears Sat 16-Apr-16 22:53:41

Our lovely friends have been given the terrible news that the dh has terminal cancer. It's likely to be quite a quick decline. We are all reeling and devastated. They are wonderful, kind people who have supported us through the hardest of times. They are a big part of our life, we socialise together as a foursome a lot and we go away together on holiday now and then. We have had some fantastic times together. They are more like family than friends.
My question is, how can we best support them? We don't want interfere but we also want to let them know we are here. They live very close by (same street). If you have been through this or are going through this - what type of support from friends has been the most valuable to you? We just feel so helplesssad

Ikeatears Sun 17-Apr-16 12:10:13


dirtyprettything Sun 17-Apr-16 20:03:29

Food! Cook for them, invite them round.
Put stuff in their fridge/ freezer.
Make concrete offers of help.
Take their children out for the day.
Babysit so they can go out together (if he is up to it)
Keep calling and offering.

You sound like a great friend.

Emptynestx2 Sun 17-Apr-16 20:54:52

I agree, just keep letting them know you are there and care about them. I think the worst thing people can do is step back feeling they are interfering which could leave them thinking you don't care. You sound very caring and I think once the shock has gone you will know what to do. Take care of yourselves too, I'm very sorry you're going through this, losing a friend is hard too.

Rainatnight Sun 17-Apr-16 20:56:39

Oh you beat me to it, I just came on here to ask the exact same question. My oldest friend's DW has just found out that her cancer is terminal. Like the OP, am reeling and devastated for them and their three children. We live far away from each other (different country) so can't offer any practical support and think they'd actually find friends visiting quite stressful at the moment. All ideas for remote support much appreciated too.

(I hope you don't mind my piggybacking OP, very happy to start a new thread if you do. And I'm very sorry about your friends)

Ikeatears Mon 18-Apr-16 21:35:24

Thanks for the replies and Rain, of course I don't mind. I'm sorry you're going through this too - is awful isn't it so goodness knows how our friends are feeling!
Food - yep, I can do that
Their children are all young adults (although all at home). I have texted the children to offer support though.
I was thinking maybe things like mowing the lawn etc.
I've been sending a message morning and night - usually just a heart emoticon or something. Now and again, I've asked how they are and if they need us/anything. I want to help but I don't want to interfere but I also want them to know they aren't out of sight, out of mind.
If anyone has any other words of wisdom, please do let me know.

dirtyprettything Fri 22-Apr-16 19:50:10

Honestly I wouldn't wait to be asked - just do. I know a lot of people don't want to interfere but I don't think you can focus on what needs doing when you are in the midst.

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