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help for my boyfriend who's been through too much

(7 Posts)
picklepie1 Sat 09-Apr-16 23:28:49

Bit of background. My boyfriend lost his mum a year ago, precisely three weeks after we found out we were expecting a baby. He was so close to his mum and has found it so hard to cope without her, especially since his dad has been very vile to the both of us and is actually putting us through a hell of a lot as we speak. Yesterday though my boyfriend went to work (on the bins) whilst he was working his friend who was working with him tripped in front of the bin Lorry and the Lorry ran over him and killed him there and then. My boyfriend witnessed this all, helped drag the poor boys body out. He's absolutely traumatised and I frankly have no idea what to do. I'm in a state of shock too, especially since finding out that it was a boy very close to me and my best friend.
I'm at a loss. What can I do to help him (and also my best friend who lost one of her closest friends). I can't even imagine what my boyfriend witnessed yesterday, I want to take the images away but I can't sadsadsad

sorbetandcream1 Mon 11-Apr-16 19:24:59

Oh Pickle, that's awful. There's no easy answer. Your boyfriend (and everyone else involved, including you) just needs to try and survive these next few weeks, months. Is he managing to sleep much? Eating ok? If he can, try and get him to eat properly. If he can't sleep, at least rest together at night time. He's likely to go through so many different emotions...fear, guilt, anger, sadness...whatever he feels is normal at this stage. Be there for him. It's probably gonna remind him of his mum's death. You all need to be kind to yourselves. You've all been through something so hellish. Personally, I'd talk to your boyfriend about him getting referred for counselling through gp. Counselling waiting lists are usually very, very long. If nearer the time he doesn't want or need counselling he can get taken off list. Have you got someone to talk to who isn't directly involved? Also, it might help you to start writing a diary. Just write a few sentences each day about how you are doing. Might help you to process stuff, figure out whenough you are starting to feel better.
Your bf may need medication (sleeping pills or something to relax him down a bit). Personally id go to GP together and see what they say. .
I'm so sorry you are all going through such a hellish time.

MummyBex1985 Mon 11-Apr-16 22:06:35

I would strongly recommend seeking a counsellor who specialises in trauma and bereavement. What an awful time he's had.

I know from personal experience that it can haunt you years later if you don't try and deal with it. Poor thing, I'm so sorry for you both.

In the meantime - help him out with practical things. Cooking, housework etc, so he's free to look after himself.

Sophia1984 Tue 19-Apr-16 21:07:19

Oh you poor things. When supporting someone who is grieving I've had that instinct of just wanting to take their pain away as well. I've learned that I can't do that, and that sometimes they need to be sad or angry, and that I need to support them through that (which can be really hard!) Will his work provide counselling? I'd also do some reading about 'complicated grief' as I've found this really useful.

picklepie1 Tue 19-Apr-16 21:56:22

Thankyou guys.
He's not being offered any counselling by his work but he is seeking it through his GP. He really wants to get help but obviously is scared and anxious about it all X

UmbongoUnchained Tue 19-Apr-16 21:58:41

Definitely persist with the counselling. My husband was shot 6 years ago and never got counselling and as a result suffered awful PTSD which still effects him now.

Tutt Tue 19-Apr-16 22:20:48

He needs to get help asap, he needs to be able to talk and be heard before he bottles it up.
I'd be worried about PTSD too so maybe a trip to the GP asap to get himn the help he needs, maybe approuch his work and ask them to pay for the help he needs because 6 months down the line is leaving it to long!
Your poor DP and you have been through enough.

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