I've been trying to post this for days but couldn't muster the strength.
DS2 was stillborn at 39 weeks last weekend. My placenta detached 24 hours before my ELCS. I did 5 days of induction but eventually he was born naturally and peacefully.
Please can someone tell me this horrific heartache will get better? It just feels so endless. Like nothing will ever be any good ever again.
The mornings are hardest when DS1 (3.5) is in nursery school, the house is so quiet and we have nothing to do but the awful practical things that need to be done.
Today has been one of the saddest days - we saw the vicar to discuss his funeral service, dropped his little outfit off to the funeral director for them to dress him in, had to go shopping for something for me to wear for his service and emptied his nursery into boxes that are now in the loft.
It's now just an stark, empty bedroom - we're going to turn it into a playroom for his big brother but it just is so horrid having a room I'm so scared of in a place we're supposed to feel safe, our own home.
Every day my stomach gets flatter and my lochia is lighter and it feels like I'm still slowly losing him.
When the sadness hits it's terrifying, the emotion is so strong I feel like I'm going to vomit and my chest is going to cave in with the pain. It feels like my brain is having to remind me ever ten minutes or so that he's gone and I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
The midwifery team at our local hospital have been utterly amazing and are supporting us so well, as are our families and friends so we are lucky in that respect but despite it all I feel lost and alone and scared and angry, so very angry all at the same time.
Please, anyone, does this pain get better?
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Bereavement
Life after stillborn - will this ever get better?
128 replies
Impatientwino · 21/03/2016 19:39
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