Colleague bereaved and I'm unsure what to do

[AgathaMystery]

Hello MN, I'm delurking, this is my 1st ever post.

My colleagues DP passed away in unusual circs last week. I have been utterly terrified to contact colleague as they are a terribly private person, but I did today & they have replied to me. I am so glad I reached out.

I don't want to sound like a total grief bandit but I am devastated for colleague. They are such a lovely, kind, witty, bright, vibrant person & so was their DP. I can't bear to have this happen to them really.

Anyway, my point is, I want to reply just saying that I don't get much kip so if they every need a voice or a reply at the end of the phone in the wee hrs, I am often about. We are def not close close colleagues but we work closely together etc. Is this overstepping the mark or being kind?

I just don't know.

[Blondie1984]

I think that's a kind offer and she will probably be grateful (but doubt she will take you up on it) and then the ball is in her court

[Ifailed]

Your colleague will be still coming to grips with has has happened, so maybe wait a bit? It's surprising how quickly things like this get forgotten, especially in a busy work place. Why not get back in touch in a few weeks time, just ask if they want to talk - have a coffee etc?

[FarrowandBallAche]

I would wait a couple of weeks then message her again. Right now she will be in shock also she's probably got many people rallying round.

It's the time after the funeral and when people get back to their lives that a bereaved person needs that shoulder.

[AgathaMystery]

Thanks so much. I will def keep in touch occasionally, esp post-funeral. You are all so right, that's when people start to drift away and go back to their lives.

[Ifailed]

It's the time after the funeral and when people get back to their lives that a bereaved person needs that shoulder.
This.

[LuckyBitches]

I think you've done something lovely, bereavement is such a lonely place.

[KittyandTeal]

I would say exactly what you've said in your op.

Some of my very close friends now weren't so close before I lost dd2, however, they stayed in touch, encouraged me, joked with me, helped me feel normal and have never eye rolled at my tars or my black jokes.

These people are now the ones supporting me again after loosing ds.

It is after the service when life settles down again that it feels people have forgotten. People assume that you're getting back to normal when actually your life has changed forever. Having people around who understand that is so important. And people who talk about your loss like a normal person, that doesn't shy away from it. I see people visibly cringe and try and shut down my contributions to conversations about pregnancy when I talk about my dd2 and ds.